Sometimes I don’t feel motivated.
It’s not that I am being completely lazy…
I just…have a lot on my mind lately…
Today’s devotional was perfect for me.
I feel like they are always relevant to
something that I am going through…
“Ready in Season”
Be ready in season and out of
season —2 Timothy 4:2
Many of us suffer from the unbalanced tendency to “be
ready” only “out of season.” The season does not refer to time; it refers to
us. This verse says, “Preach the Word! Be ready in season and out of season.”
In other words, we should “be ready” whether we feel like it or not. If we do
only what we feel inclined to do, some of us would never do anything. There are
some people who are totally unemployable in the spiritual realm. They are
spiritually feeble and weak, and they refuse to do anything unless they are
supernaturally inspired. The proof that our relationship is right with God is
that we do our best whether we feel inspired or not.
One of the worst traps
a Christian worker can fall into is to become obsessed with his own exceptional
moments of inspiration. When the Spirit of God gives you a time of inspiration
and insight, you tend to say, “Now that I’ve experienced this moment, I will
always be like this for God.” No, you will not, and God will make sure of that.
Those times are entirely the gift of God. You cannot give them to yourself when
you choose. If you say you will only be at your best for God, as during those
exceptional times, you actually become an intolerable burden on Him. You will
never do anything unless God keeps you consciously aware of His inspiration to
you at all times. If you make a god out of your best moments, you will find
that God will fade out of your life, never to return until you are obedient in
the work He has placed closest to you, and until you have learned not to be
obsessed with those exceptional moments He has given you.
(Copied from
utmost.org)
I’m
just not focused lately. There is just so much going on that it is hard for me
to keep my mind on just one thing.
And
then when I am alone and do have time to clear my mind – I really don’t want to
be alone with my thoughts.
I’m
getting frustrated with myself for struggling with some of the same things over
and over again…
And
then I realized a few things –
There
are things in my life that I am “settling” for.
When
God removes something unhealthy from my life – It is NO LOSS to me.
I’m
created to feel – so it is OKAY to
let myself feel more than I want to at times.
I
am created to invest time and emotions into relationships – so when those
relationships are removed from my life, it is OKAY to take time to mourn over
them.
I can’t be hard on myself for struggling with
certain things – If I never struggled – I would never grow.
HE has made me new.
In one of my favorite books, Beyond Jabez, the author, Bruce
Wilkinson, talks about how if we don’t struggle with things then it may, at
times, mean that Satan is not “worried” about us. He used an example of a
college student talking to one of his professors and telling him that his life
was great and everything was going right and the professor told the student he
was worried about him because that probably means Satan isn’t worried about the
student and his work for Christ. (obviously that was more of a paraphrase of
what the author actually said…)
But this story always stuck in my mind.
But then – one of my devotionals from a few
weeks ago hit me –
“Never be afraid when God brings back your
past. Let your memory have its way with you. It is a minister of God bringing
its rebuke and sorrow to you. God will turn what might have been into a
wonderful lesson of growth for the future.” – My Utmost For His Highest
I’ve been hurting a lot from the past lately.
And I’ve been really upset at myself about it.
Not wanting to admit my struggles, I have been
keeping them all in to myself –
But after reading this devotional – I was
filled with comfort.
Yeah, I am struggling. But I am not alone.
God is letting me struggle with it for a reason – and maybe that reason is to
take it to Him.
Shame.
I’m ashamed that I am still struggling with
the same thing – the same situation.
I know I am MUCH better off now – and God has
given me an amazing peace that I have never known before.
It always blows my mind to think about
Christ’s mercy and love.
God is good to me. Even though he knows
everything that I have done.
But I think the thing that blows my mind even
more than that, is that God is good to me….Even when he knows what I WILL do.
I think it is one thing to forgive someone
for their past and to love them and accept them and provide for them despite
what they have done…
But to love and accept and provide for
someone who you know has already hurt you and will undoubtedly hurt you again.
Or to take it even further – He knows the
exact minute of the day, which I will betray Him again.
Being stuck in my sinful body – it is a fact
that I will sin again. And He knows how and
when.
It is incredible to me.
I know He loves me.
And I know that that is all that really
matters.
