School is finally done! That’s right – as of
right now…you are reading the words written by a college graduate! (thank you,
thank you!)
I am beyond excited.
But also nervous.
I thought for so long that I wanted to go on
to get my Masters. I was so career driven that it really was the only thing I
let my mind get set on for a very long time…but now I am not so sure.
I know that counseling is the area that I am
most interested in. And my heart is most filled with joy when I am working with
teenage girls, because I know that that desire was placed in me by God.
And for so long I just wanted to get my
Masters and then my PhD and eventually open up my own Christian counseling
office…I was just so career oriented. And it was hard for me to see that I can
accomplish what I want to accomplish and live just how I want to live and do
the things I most desire to do, without having those titles and spending all of
that time in school.
But then my dad said something to me the
other night that really caught my attention…
He was reminding me that I can have all of
the knowledge and book smarts in the world, but if I don’t have the heart
behind it, then it all means nothing.
Then tonight my mom said to me (a quote she
picked up somewhere along the way):
“No one cares how much you know until they
know how much you care.”
Sometimes, I will admit…that I might have
this arrogance about me.
It is a common thing for people who have
knowledge and are educated. Once you know one thing – you tend to think you
know everything…right? Or is that just me……..
It’s an annoying trait about me…and I try –
when talking to people about “psychology issues” to be so aware of how I am
coming off…because I never want someone to think that I think that I “know it
all” just because I have been educated in a certain area.
Because it’s true…I can know the “book
answers” to every thing…but unless God has given me the discernment and wisdom
about someone or an issue or even Him…then all my time studying and researching
means squat!
So if furthering my education just means that
I will only become more and more arrogant along the way…then no thanks…I’d
rather stick to refining and polishing this heart of love and humility that God
has given me.
There are two things that God has really
given me a heart for. And the other day a pretty exciting/amazing opportunity
arose involving one of those things.
I would love to write out the whole entire
story on here of how everything went down…but who knows how long that would
take…
All I can say is – God is amazing. And
incredible. And mysterious. And surprising…
I was about to make a big decision. And I
prayed to God…I reminded Him of the two things that He gave me a desire for –
and I told Him to open doors.
James says that a man who prays with doubting
is like a “wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.” He says that
this man is a “double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” (James 1: 6,8)
I have always known of the desires that God has given me…but I have always allowed my
insecurities to over take me and fill me with doubt about how “qualified” I am
to live out these desires.
I have read James so many times…it is my
favorite book in the New Testament. So recently, I decided to do a study on it…
How many times have I read chapter 1 verse
8…? “…he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” I would say
probably at least 10…since that is probably how many times I have read the
book.
“he is a DOUBLE-MINDED man, unstable in all
his ways.”
“he is a double-minded man, UNSTABLE in all
his ways.”
“he is a double-minded man, unstable in ALL
his ways.”
“he is a DOUBLE-MINDED man, UNSTABLE in ALL
his ways.”
He is not just unstable in what he is
doubting…he is unstable in ALL of his ways…
Because he knows the instructions that God
has clearly given him to – yet he continues to doubt.
“he is a double-minded man, unstable in all
his ways.”
This hit me so hard.
Like I said…for so long I have known OF the
desires that God has given me…and I have lived them out to an extent...but more
than living them out fearlessly…I have allowed insecurities to slush the tools
that God has given me…feeding the belief that I do not have what it takes.
I AM a double-minded man. Unstable in ALL of
my ways…
Because I have not been consistent with what
God has told me.
I have recognized the desires and gifts He
has given me…and I have prayed that He would let me use them…but while praying
these very prayers…I would allow my mind to be clouded with doubt.
And it’s not me that I am doubting…
It is God…and His promise He has given me
what I need in order to do the things He has told me to do.
“…For that person must not suppose that he
will receive anything from the Lord…” (vs. 7)
I’m not setting boundaries for myself…I’m
setting them for God.
Thank God He cannot be confined or
restricted.
So…as I was saying…
I was about to make a big decision. And I
prayed to God…I reminded Him of the two things that He gave me a desire for –
and I told Him to open doors.
Keeping in mind that I should not doubt
because God has given me these desires. I prayed for discernment and wisdom.
And I prayed that God would give me these desires.
I prayed for confidence in Him and trust and
faith that He would keep His promises.
And the very next day, the phone rang – a
phone call inviting me to partake in one of the very things that I had prayed
to God for.
I’m not saying that if you pray a prayer that
God is going to magically give you everything you want…but I know for a fact
God places desires in us and if we trust in Him and seek Him – He will be
faithful to us and open doors and work in ways that we never imagined.
So I don’t know what I am doing. I don’t know
for certain where I will be tomorrow, a few months from now…or a few years from
now. But I know that God is taking me on an adventure and He is giving me
everything I need along the way.
My point is – don’t allow yourself to become
discouraged if you feel that you have been called to a place and think you are
lacking what you need.
Don’t for one second – allow Satan into fooling
you that God has not provided you with what it takes to do what God has called
you to do.
And don’t be afraid to confront God. He has
given us these gifts to use for a reason – and if we ask Him, He will provide a
way for us to use them.
God can and will use you no matter where you
are at. Don’t be so focused on getting where you’re going that you never stop
to take a look at where you are at…
I have been listening to a lot of Rend
Collective Experiment lately…I really love their lyrics to the song “Broken
Bread”…:
May I be broken bread, may I be poured out wine
May I incarnate, Your kindness Lord
Your will done Your way
Spend my life Jesus, anyway You please
Whether on great things, or what seems small
Your will done your way
Your will done your way
Your will done your way
I will not fight You
Take me past the line that my heart draws
I will not fight You
Take me beyond the laziness of my thoughts
I will not fight
Lead me further than I've gone before
I will not fight You
I'm abandoned to Your call
Your will done Your way
Do not let there be, any part of me
That's untouchable, unreachable
Let my delight be, living out Your dreams
Washing dirty feet, and kissing Yours
Your will done Your way
God let Your dreams come true, dream through us
God let Your dreams come true through us
“Woe be to the soul who tries to head
in any other direction once that call has come to him.”
