I believe that we should not be afraid to share what we are struggling with – because you never know who is struggling with the same thing, and maybe that person is too afraid to be upfront with their struggles.
I believe when we open up and are honest with how we feel, it encourages others to do the same – which causes growth and helps people to feel free and accepted.
That is kind of the purpose behind this blog – so I can share what I am going through; my struggles, my thoughts, things I am learning, and even just fun experiences. And hopefully along the way, I am able to encourage people to open up with who they really are and what they are struggling with!
Besides causing personal growth, I feel our experiences are meant for us to share, so we are able to help each other and walk along one another in this crazy thing called life!
I tried to hide my true self.
For a Very. Long. Time.
I tried to hide what I wanted, how I felt, my daily thoughts, my passions, my desires, my random day dreams…everything. Because I was in a position where I would only be criticized for who I really was.
In the end – hiding who I really was – only turned me into someone I never wanted to be.
It suffocated me. There were times I literally couldn’t breathe.
It took me a very long time to realize that I hid these things and put myself in this position because I did not truly love myself.
I have recently been made aware of something…
I have been making it a point to constantly remind myself of this recent discovery, so I can be constantly aware of how much I need to work on it…
I struggle.
With something that I hate to admit that I struggle with.
I hate to admit it because this thing is not one bit good for me. In fact, it is horrible for me. It is toxic.
And I wish so badly that I were so far above it.
And I wish so badly that I were so far above it.
This is the type of struggle that I just want to hide away from the world – The kind that I don’t ever want anyone to know about…
The kind that I would just love to mask with pretend laugher and fake smiles…
I have a habit.
An extremely bad habit.
A habit, that if I do not break it, it will overcome me and lead me down a very dark path.
I have a habit of putting faces to my struggles.
I have a habit of putting people’s names on my wars.
Bitterness.
It almost seems that every other feeling is easy to mask.
If you’re too sad you can put on a smile.
If you’re too happy you can try to contain it.
But if you’re bitter – it’s like this toxic plague that taunts you and compels you taunt others.
It’s completely destroying.
And when you’re bitter – it’s easy to take it out on anything and everything.
“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood…” Ephesians 6:12
We are always going to be in constant battle – but not against each other.
It is easy to remind myself that my struggle’s are not against other people. But when bitterness steps in – it takes it to a whole new level.
Bitterness is not just being upset.
It is letting thoughts of anger cloud your judgement. It can fill your mind with thoughts of situations that do not even exist – it can cause you to create a world of potential conversations and scenarios that won’t even ever happen and make you resent people who never even provoked the first stages of the bitterness in the first place.
It causes you to re-live past experiences and situations over and over again.
“Bitterness is not just a giant…it is a disease which torments and plagues you.” – Chuck Swindoll
“And this is what I would say to anybody who immerses himself or herself in bitterness toward the end of their life: The only person you’re harming is yourself.” – Harold Kushner
I have been extremely bitter before.
I was very bitter for a very long time. So bitter – That I remember I shut off all of my emotions for over a year and never even shed a tear – even when some pretty devastating things happened.
Once you have tasted bitterness – you know how harmful and dangerous it can be – but at the same time – you know it can be used as a shield in a way.
A shield that you want to use to “guard your heart” and “protect yourself”.
But this is far from what it does.
It’s scary how bitterness can be consciously meant to be used as a wall. It can make you feel strong and independent – but really, I believe it is self-defeating beyond belief.
I have found that it is so much better to be open about anger and hurt – in a loving and respectful way of course. Because in the end – if you let yourself become bitter – you will only hurt yourself more than you ever imagined.
God doesn’t call us to live this way.
He says that we are free.
“When you have a right-standing relationship with God, you have a life of freedom, liberty, and delight…” Oswald Chambers
A life of freedom, liberty, and delight.
Not a life of restriction and deprivation or bitterness and self-defeat.
We are free.
Free from pain and anger and hurt and the chains that have been holding us down.
Free from what we have done in our past and what we will do in our future.
Free from bitterness.
Free from everything we don't like about ourselves.
We are amazing.
No matter how random, crazy, goofy, or awkward we are. We are incredible.
And the people who try to tell you otherwise, are just as hurt and insecure and unsure of themselves as you are. So love them back.
Don’t let Satan use other people as tools to hold you back and bring you down.
Don’t let your fears and insecurities keep you in horrible situations and out of healthy ones.
Love yourself.
Free yourself.
