Recently –
I’ve been hurt.
And it’s
amazing how many people have told me that for now, I just need to be angry.
Angry for
the way I’ve been treated and angry for how I have been betrayed.
And that I
need to let my anger protect me like a shield…
It really
makes me think of the song, Able, by Needtobreathe:
“All my actions, false or true
Selfish motives I will use
We were born with knives in hand
Trained to kill our fellow man
If we're not better than the rest
How will children do their best
Find your patience, find your truth
Love is all we have to lose”
Being angry
– is just not me.
TRUST ME…I
have had my “Strong” “Angry” girl kicks…I think I’ve mentioned my obsession
with Paramore before…Oh how some days I wish I had her bad girl façade…and her
lungs and wind pipes!
But other
than the occasional tendency to turn to girl power music that I have…I just
have a hard time with purposely making myself bitter just to protect myself.
Don’t get me
wrong – I’ve been there before…and parts of my surface may be there right
now…but to think of only “bad” and “hurtful” things just to protect myself – I
cant let myself do that.
I guess
because I’m afraid it will get too far. I know I’ve had posts on bitterness
before…how it’s like a vicious wormhole that will suck you in and cause you to
lose sight of REALITY.
It will
steal away your emotions and replace every ounce of you with anger and
aggression…
Sounds so
fun!!!!!!! Right?!
Hardly.
I remember a
while ago when I was extremely bitter. I knew I had “some anger” but I thought
I was living life perfectly fine, until I realized it had been a whole year
since I had cried.
It was so
hard for me to start to actually FEEL again.
It’s not
something I ever want to go through again…
So anywho –
that has brought me to where I am today. The person who just hurts…I can be
somewhat angry…I guess in my own ways…but mostly…I’m just a big pile of a hurt
cry baby.
But so
what?! Never again will I allow myself to become bitter. At least not how I
was.
I don’t
really know where I am going with all of this.
I guess it’s
just…I know God gives us people and community for us to lean on and confide in…
But if we
start taking other people’s advice over what God is telling us…that is when we
know we’ve definitely got something wrong.
This is
something I am having to remember right now.
Forget about
hear say and shallow advice…what is God telling me?
Satan can so
easily whisper doubts and hurt into my ear…but God…he does the opposite.
He offers me
peace. Hope. Love. Joy. Compassion. LIFE. A Future.
And He just
sits back waiting to give it to me.
Why would I
try to heal by using the very thing that will only dig a grave deeper and
deeper?
I never have
to be a part of bitterness again. Not my own, or anyone else’s.
I’m FREE.
I know who I
am. I know what God tells me. I’m loved and wanted.
And God –
please don’t allow me to forget that.
“No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants
bitterness. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.”
- Max Lucado
