I can’t believe how fast this year has gone by.
I remember driving around with my friends
last year, looking at Christmas lights, just like it was a few weeks ago. I
remember, word for word, the conversations we had in that car when we drove
past the house of a dear friend of ours who passed away earlier that year.
I remember shopping on black Friday last year
so vividly that I still feel like I need sleep from staying up all night.
Halloween is my favorite Holiday…but I have
to say, I am glad it is over. There are just so many exciting things happening
these next two months…
But as excited as I am about celebrating
birthdays and having shopping days with girlfriends and thanksgiving dinners
and crafts nights and black Friday shopping and Christmas parties and putting
up decorations and wrapping gifts and Christmas caroling…I don’t want to take
any of it for granted…
As emotional of a person that I can be
sometimes, I have the habit of NOT living in the moment when I should.
When so much is going on in my life, it is so
easy for me to always be looking to “what’s next…”
I felt really convicted sitting in church
today. I was sitting there, just thinking about work and youth group and bible
study and just everything I have to do this week and I realized I wasn’t even
paying attention to what was being said in the sermon. And suddenly the thought
came to me: “What does God want me to learn in THIS MOMENT?”
Not just me realizing that I was caught up in
wherever my mind was taking me to instead of listening to the sermon…but what
did He have for me to learn from the sermon that I was completely ignoring.
I know that much of the time I get so caught
up in where God is taking for me, that I completely lose sight of where He HAS
me. Instead of living in and paying attention to the moments He brings to me,
my mind gets swept up and away to moments that I don’t even know anything about
yet.
So my goal for me these next two months is
that I don’t allow moments to pass me by.
That, instead of wishing it were a certain
time of day, I just pay attention to what time it is now and take it all in.
I know that “living in the moment” has such a
negative feel to it because of the emotional concept that it is typically
associated with…but it is my emotions that seem to be taking me out of the
moment…and I don’t want to miss any lessons that God has for me RIGHT NOW.
Besides paying attention to each moment – I
know there are so many other things I need to work on. And lately 2 other things have really been
sticking out to me:
I want to be my own person.
I see the way I change depending on my mood and surroundings. But
I don’t want to be that way. I want to know
who I am and be who I am. And not
change for anyone or anything. I need to always be consciously aware of who I
am in Christ and be bold about it. I
need to know what’s right and speak
up about it no matter how uncomfortable it might make me feel.
I need to tame my tongue.
I’m pretty quick to the punch sometimes. I get passionate about
odd things…and sometimes…I blurt out whatever comes to my mind before I even
think about how idiotic it sounds. I remember a few years ago, when I lost my
voice – it was a really frustrating and annoying time because it was when I
went to visit my friends in Phoenix for a wedding and I really wanted to
socialize but I had absolutely no voice at all and couldn’t really talk to anyone. It was so frustrating…BUT I actually learned a
lot from it…I learned I need to listen more than I need to speak…I learned how
many stupid things I think (and say) before I realize what I’m really thinking
(and saying)…I learned that just because I talk…doesn’t mean I sound smart…and
I learned that no matter how many people try to convince me…honey and hot tea
are disgusting.
I just want to be better. No matter how much work it takes…
I have so much more I want to say right now…but
I also really need to work on getting more sleep…
