I have been feeling extremely insecure
lately. I don’t know what’s going on with me lately – it’s like I can’t shake
all these doubts I have about myself. It’s ridiculous – and annoying. And
just…stupid.
And today I have just felt awful. One of my
best friends is going through a really difficult time too with the recent loss
of a family member and that just adds to the emotion more. Seeing her hurt the
way she is, and me not really able to do anything about it – it’s just rough
and it only adds to my emotions more.
Tonight, after I cried for like the billionth
time – I just started getting frustrated with myself and frustrated with this
hurt. I don’t know why I allow myself to become so blinded at times to how
truly beautiful I am.
Seeing myself how God sees me – is one of the
most difficult things for me.
“I just need to lay down, cry, read my bible
and pray…” I thought to myself…
“What I need is to do a study on the way God
sees me – maybe that will help me shake this feeling and get my head on
straight…now where could I find such a study……….”
(If you have been around my blog for awhile
then you know I wrote and taught a study early last year for the high school
girls at my church about how much God loves them.)
That’s right….I did do that……..
When I was asked to do a study – I knew right
away that I wanted to talk to the girls about how God sees them. I wanted them
to know that they are loved just as they as and I wanted to make sure they
looked to God and God ALONE for their security.
Several people have told me that I need to
get this study published…and maybe one day I will…but I don’t know…I just have
it…sitting in a folder on my computer…not getting much use out of it – so I
thought I would share it with all of you since it is something that really
meant/means a lot to me – and it’s full of lessons that I never want to forget.
There are eight lessons to this study…so I
will post one a night…or one whenever I get around to it…
I decided to just go ahead and post the
“Leaders copy” of each lesson because I have more notes on those – though that
also means they are a little sloppy and might have incomplete thoughts here and
there…because they were meant to serve as more of a guide for me to go off of
when I taught this study to the girls. But don’t worry about those – just work
it out for yourself on where I was going with it! Also, there may be places
where there are bible verse references but no verse (or if the reference is
underlined)…that was for when I had the girls look up the verses and read them…I
didn’t do that for every verse because in some lessons there are just way too
many verses and it took up a lot of time looking them up…
Also…re-reading this first lesson, I realize
there are some comments that might not apply to you, my readers, like the part
about how each girl was given a journal to write in throughout the study…you
clearly, were not given a journal…or at least not by me – but if something does
happen to speak to you – then by all means! Please!!! Write it down to save!!
Oh How He Loves
Us
A study with Michal!!!
While
thinking about exactly what I want to say for this study I obsessed over being
able to find the PERFECT verse and the PERFECT words to stress to you all how
much God loves you. So that if you have ever struggled with these things, you
would finally be able to have that “AH-HA” moment and understand 100% from here
on out how much God loves you and WHY He loves you!
If I had
found this perfect revelation, you would have been set for life! You would no
longer experience insecurities or loneliness! You would no longer strive to be
that idea of “perfection” because you would understand that God loves you just
how you are and that NOTHING will ever separate you from His love. You would
walk prouder, laugher harder, smile bigger, and you would just be…YOU! Without
a care or worry in the world, you would be…….PERFECT!
Unfortunately…but
thankfully…God likes to show me how perfect I am not. And through all of my
obsessing and worrying of trying to find this piece of perfection that we all
are missing, I realized…or rather, God showed me…that as long as we are on
earth, we will never be able to completely understand God’s love for us. And it
is not His word that is lacking perfectionism – but my inability to fathom how
sufficient His word truly is. Because when you start to sit down and think
about how ugly and disgusting and dirty and grotesque our sins are, and how
holy and clean and pure and PERFECT Christ is…it does not take long to realize
that Him desiring beings that are the COMPLETE opposite of His nature…just simply
does not make sense. And while we are on earth, we will never even scratch the
surface of being able to fathom why He would ever love us. Or why He DESIRES
US.
I have, as I
am sure some of you have as well…struggled over and over again with this. I
read the bible and see just how hurtful and truly disgusting my sins are. And
Satan works his lies into my mind…
I am that
person who is always wanting to know WHY something is the way that it is. But I
have realized that my need to know why is just a sign of me wanting to be in
control of it. And the truth is – I will never be able to control God’s love
for me. Because God’s love for me is not contingent upon my work or my
behavior. He will
love me no more or less if I pack my bags right now and leave for another
country to preach the gospel. He will love me no more or less if I sing louder
on Sunday mornings so that every one in the church will hear my (hopefully)
beautiful voice of worship. He will love me no more or less if I stand on the
streets evangelizing, or if I volunteer at a shelter three times a week, or if
I help out more in Sunday school or go to church every Sunday morning or bible
study during the week. And unlike the world…His interest in me will never
increase or decrease based on me losing 20lbs or gaining 50! His love is not
contingent upon me looking my best every day and putting on a presentation that
everything in my life is perfect and that I, being a “perfect” Christian, have
it ALL together.
But also – He will love me no more or less when I sin. His
love for me will not change when He hears the thoughts in my mind that I would
be ashamed for any human to know. He will not disown me when I lie. His love
for me will not decrease when I disobey His commandments. He will STILL love me
when I blatantly disobey Him time and time again and tell Him that my way is
better and that even though I know He promises GOOD to me – I am still going to
live how I want to live and act how I want to act. Those times that I give in
to my most selfish and disgusting desires, those times when I cheat and lie and
steal, those times when I consciously HURT those around me, causing His beautiful
creation to feel pain, those times when I fall into the same sin time after
time and become overtaken with shame and guilt, those times when I allow
ulterior motives to take over and start giving myself credit for the work I am
doing for Him instead of giving all of the glory to Him…NONE OF THESE TIMES
will ever be able to change His love for me. Because He has CREATED ME! He has
CHOSEN ME! He continually DESIRES ME!!! And He will NOT throw me away or allow
me to stray very far from Him until He moves Heaven and Earth to do what needs
to be done to bring me back to Him.
BUT this does not give me permission to take advantage of
God’s love. None of this gives me the right to live my life how I want, knowing
that God will take me back. Because if I TRULY do accept God’s love – then I
will TRULY understand the price. I will understand what it cost Him. I will
understand that my sin and human nature was and is so disgusting that only
something completely and utterly perfect could erase the things I have done and
will do. And I need to understand that because of that cost, my life is
eternally in debt. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 tells me that I was bought at a price,
and because I have chosen to accept Christ into my life, I no longer belong to
myself, but my body and mind and spirit belongs to God. That means; my thoughts,
my actions, my words, every part of me belongs to God. And I should strive to
live my life every day as an example of God’s love, glorifying Him in all that
I can – because I am nothing but dry bones without God.
I am going to tell you guys a story about myself. A story
that was fashioned because I allowed my insecurities to take over. Keep in mind
that this story is not the beginning of where my insecurities started, but only
where they led me to. I didn’t just decide one day that I was going to put
myself in the situation that I ended up in. But it was something that, through
time, my shame and guilt from my sins and my disbelief of God’s love for me
brought me to. It is because of this story that my hearts desire is for all of
you, and every other girl in the world to TRULY KNOW God and His LOVE for each
of you and how He DESIRES YOU no matter how much you doubt it. Because YOUR
DOUBTING does not change HIS TRUTHS! I hope and pray that by the end of this
study, you will be able to stand confident in God’s truths, and that you will continually
encourage each other to stand confident in them as well, because I never want
any girl to ever have to go through what I went through because of doubts and
insecurity.
But before I begin with that you need to know
a few things…
First off: This study, at times – might be somewhat intense. I will be
telling you guys some pretty in-depth, personal stuff about myself. Because I
want you guys to TRULY know me and my heart and where I come from and how I
have gotten where I am! Each week I will share some new pieces of my story with
you as I feel led, because, hopefully, by knowing what I have gone through, you
will truly be able to see God’s INCREDIBLE and PASSIONATE love. Please don’t be
afraid to ask me questions – because we are sisters!! And my desire is for you
guys to GENUINELY KNOW ME!
Second: My hope is that by me being so genuine, you all will feel safe to
be genuine with yourselves as well. I want to hear from you girls. I want to
get to know you guys and your hearts because I believe that God teaches us all
different things in different ways and by sharing your thoughts – each girl
will have the opportunity to be blessed by God – THROUGH YOU!!
Third: You have all been provided with notebooks because we want you all
to get to know yourselves better! No on else will read what you write in these
notebooks. They are solely for you! So write whatever you please in them!
Whatever sticks out and captures you! Bible verses, quotes, thoughts,
questions, revelations!! Anything that means something to you, write it down!!
So that you will be able to keep whatever was worth writing for as long as you
choose and you will have something to go to whenever you are feeling insecure
or doubtful.
And lastly: The moment we step into this room I want you all to feel SAFE. It
is important to realize that we ALL are sisters and we ALL have our struggles.
Anything that is said during this study should be kept confidential between everyone
in this room. My desire is to keep building a family here, a place of shelter
and comfort. A place where everyone feels comfortable with sharing whatever
they desire. We are called to love each other as Christ loves us. His love is
safe and pure and a shelter – so we should all exemplify that.
Because God loves us, He gives us MANY different blessings
and gifts! He shows His love for us in more ways than we could ever imagine.
Since there are simply just too many things to go over and it would be
impossible to cover them all in eight studies, I have chosen eight ways that I
feel God is really placing on my heart to go over! Each week we will focus on
these different things:
Love
Forgiveness
Salvation
Peace/Hope
Discipline
Community
Servant-hood
Protection
These are all things that God gives us because of His love
for us and some of them are ways that we can express our love for God!
You
know in 1 Corinthians how it states that Love is patient, love is kind…this
relationship was the exact opposite of all of that.
I was in an extremely abusive
relationship for a little over a year. It started off physically abusive and
then when people saw the bruises on my arms, he realized he could no longer be
physical, so he became extremely mentally and emotionally abusive.
I saw red flags at the beginning
like – he was really insecure. And got offended super easy – and me, I love to
joke around so it basically limited my personality a lot.
At first I wasn’t allowed to hang
out with other guys.
My friends told me how I was
starting to change. I was never happy around him. I couldn’t be happy.
Then I couldn’t hang out with anyone
who wasn’t a friend of his. Anyone he thought might bring in contradicting
opinions to his.
He thought everything out of my
mouth was a lie
He separated me from anyone he saw
was a threat. I lost all of my friends and family.
I couldn’t spend any time without
him – I literally had to be with him every moment of the day. I remember one
time just wanting to have some time to myself so I told him I was going to take
a nap in my dorm. He showed up at my window and saw that I was watching a movie
and he literally freaked out to where he started yelling at me and causing a
huge scene.
He would get mad at me for
everything – he would tell me how stupid I was and how no one was ever going to
love me the way that he did.
It was suffocating. He literally
broke me down. I was extremely exhausted and had lost every part of me.
I could go on for hours about
different things that he did to hurt me – but I don’t think much more is
required for you all to get the hint of how toxic and utterly dangerous this
relationship was.
I am
not telling you guys all of this stuff so you will feel sorry for me, and I
pray that it does not give you guys a negative view of me. I only tell you
because I want you to look at your lives. Is there anything holding you back
from Christ’s love? Is there anything lying to you and telling you that you are
not precious and truly loved? Is there anything in your life that is feeding
you lies about who YOU are? Satan will use anything to try to control us and
keep us from God. It could be anything – it could be friends who don’t treat
you kindly. It could be self-doubt and insecurities that you have. It could be
past mistakes that you have made that weigh you down with shame and guilt.
Love is NOT manipulative
Week 1:
LOVE
What is
your view of true love?
When do you FEEL most loved?
How do you show your love?
What
does the world say about love?
It’s fleeting – Based off of
emotions
It’s Blind
It can make you do “crazy” things –
not like being bold and telling someone you care about them complete with a
marching band and fireworks – but literal crazy things like murder
It’s conditional – I will love you
IF you….
Romans 5:8, “But
God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners,
Christ died for us.”
Christ
suffered for us: 1 Peter 3:18, “For Christ also suffered once for sins, the RIGHTEOUS for the UNRIGHTEOUS,
to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the
Spirit.”
John
3:16 means
that Christ TOTALLY and COMPLETELY gave Himself for us. He did not partially
give Himself for us. He TOTALLY gave Himself. The surrender of His holiness was
so complete that God the Father actually could not even handle looking at
Christ while He was on the cross that God abandoned Christ (Matthew 27:46)
Is love
truly blind?
God is the only one who will ever know every
single thing about me and still love and WANT me.
God knows EVERYTHING about us and still He
loves us: Psalm 139
His love is NOT blind to our sins – Blind
love is not true love. And WE DON’T WANT it to be. Wouldn’t you rather someone
know every single thing about you and still DESIRE you and LOVE you? Rather
than having to hide who you are and things that you have done? True love is
recognizing and acknowledging sin, but forgiving and allowing/encouraging
change
True love is selfless: John 15:12, 13:
“My command is
this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this:
to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
God’s love has
no bounds: Hosea 14:4: “I will heal their waywardness and love them FREELY, for
my anger has turned away from them.”
Even the most
intelligent theologian’s interpretation of the bible should be taken with a
grain of salt – we need to dig into the bible ourselves and find out just what
it says! YES – Christ DOES LOVE US and will forgive us time and time again. BUT
if we truly accept Him into our lives and He is living INSIDE of us – then
instead of allowing sin into our life time and TIME again we need to pick up
our cross EVERY DAY and deny our sin and live in a way that will glorify God!
We cannot earn God’s love: Ephesians 2:1-9:
“As for you, you
were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to
live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom
of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of
us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and
following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving
of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in
mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in
transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with
Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in
order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his
grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you
have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift
of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.”
Love is NOT based off of feelings or emotions
– what if God just randomly decided one day that He was tired of the way I was
and just decided to let me go?
Psalm 103:8
“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.”
Perfect love casts out fear
His love is not conditional – it has no
boundaries, exceptions, or expectations
God is a jealous God: Exodus 20:5 “You shall not bow down to them or
worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God…”
We need to JEALOUSLY guard our relationship
with Christ.
Romans 8:31-39 - NOTHING can separate
us from God’s love
What
God says about love:
God’s love is passionate and FURIOUS!!! He
will go to great lengths to bring you back to Him and He will destroy anything
that try’s to steal you away from Him
It is CRUCIAL to remember that our daily
circumstances and fickle feelings and emotions have no effect on God’s TRUTH
concerning His love for us:
“The
undiminished radiance, which is the result of abundant joy, is not built on
anything passing, but on the love of God that nothing can change. And the
experiences of life, whether they are everyday events or terrifying ones, are
powerless to 'separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our
Lord' (Romans 8:39).” – Oswald Chambers
After thoughts:
How will this lesson affect the way I live my
life?
How does this information change the way I
feel about people, other relationships, and myself in general?
How can I remember and continually remind
myself of God’s love for me?
If you have time – throughout the week, look
through the bible and try to find verses that best represent love to you.
Choose verses and passages that TRULY speak to you – that you will be able to
turn to whenever you are feeling insecure and instantly be reminded that God
TRULY loves you.
Quotes:
God is
CRAZY about YOU!
“If God
had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. If He had a wallet, your photo
would be in it. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning.
Whenever you want to talk, he’ll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe,
and He chose your heart!” – Max Lucado
“God’s unfailing love for us is an
objective fact affirmed over and over in the Scriptures. It is true whether we
believe it or not. Our doubts do not destroy God’s love, nor does our
faith create it. It originates in the very nature of God, who is love, and
it flows to us through our union with His beloved Son.” – Jerry
Bridges
