Week 2:
Forgiveness
“Then Peter came to Him and said,
‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to
seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but
up to seventy times seven.’” – Matthew 18:21,22
In God’s eyes, when someone sins
against us and then apologizes, there is no limit on how much forgiveness we
should extend. Not because He wants us to be a doormat for other people to walk
all over, but because He knows how much forgiveness WE NEED when it comes to
sinning against Him. Though it is natural for us to treat forgiveness as some
sort of limited product that is only available for a certain amount of time or
uses, He knows that the “limited quantity” would not even scratch the surface
of how much will really be needed. But He knows more than that. He sees our
hearts. He sees everything that no one else can see in us, not even ourselves.
And He sees the hearts of everyone else too. He sees that none of us – no
matter who we are or what we do, we are all alike – because WE ARE ALL SINNERS.
Just because someone sins against you, does not make you any better or them any
worse, because in God’s eyes, we are all on the same level. From whomever we
would consider to be the most gruesome and appalling criminal, all the way to
Mother Theresa – we are ALL sinners, and we ALL need God.
Sometimes it seems impossible. If we
look around us – it does not take long to see how much sin there is in the
world. From every day thieves and murderers to worldwide devastation and
catastrophes, it takes us no time at all to see how lost and hopeless the world
is. From mans’ point of view, we are all destined for hell. We are on a
continual downward spiral and we might as well “live it up” now because “You
Only Live Once!”
But only HE
can see what is really going on inside of us. Only He can see the hurt and the
pain that we all are going through. We might be able to see the affects of sin
all of around us – but only HE can truly see where it comes from and where it
leads. And only He can see that the world is in this place because the only
thing that hurt people know how to do is HURT PEOPLE.
But there IS
HOPE!!! He knew that a day would come when you, His daughter, would need a
savior. He knew that you would need someone to come barging in like a knight in
shining armor, whisk you off of your feet and save you from the evil adversary
and his land of desolation and destruction. But even more…He knew that to
simply remove you from this world, would not be enough. Because you, yourself
are lost. And He knew that you would need more forgiveness than any human being
could ever extend. He knew a day would come when you would be so overwhelmed
with all of your wrong choices and all of the shame and guilt that they bring.
And He knew that you would need someone to pull you out of your mess, place you
back on your feet and walk with you until the end. He also knew the cost would
be so great that you would never truly understand it, and yet He paid it.
Knowing that you would take it for granted and reuse your need for forgiveness
over and over again, He still did what He knew needed to be done, because He
loves you SO much – more than any other being ever has or will – and He knew He
would be so in love with you, that He would want to keep you for eternity. He
knew what He would have to do in order to be able to save you, so He paid the
price needed in order to forgive you.
What
does forgiveness look like to you?
What
does the world say about
forgiveness?
Get even
It’s more about “me” – if someone
hurt me I don’t have to forgive them
It questions, “Why should I
forgive…after how much they hurt me?”
It’s conditional – it needs to be
earned and proven.
Just “forget” and move on
What
does the bible say forgiveness looks
like?
·
Ephesians
4:31,32 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and
anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be
kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ
God forgave you.”
·
True forgiveness is not based off
of emotions – it is not conditional – “I will forgive you – but now you have to
prove yourself to me”
·
The
ultimate form of forgiveness is the CROSS.
What if
Christ had not come to die for our sins?
·
We
would still being living under the law, but because of our sin, we fail to live
up to the law, so there would be no salvation.
·
EVEN
IF we could live “up to the law” we would STILL fall short in other areas – The
Pharisees – pride, self-glorification
Romans
8:1-4 “Therefore, there
is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through
Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from
the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do
because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in
the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned
sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the
law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but
according to the Spirit.”
Forgiveness comes in threes:
*God*
*Me*
*Man*
I’ll
tell you what forgiveness between humans looks like to me. I talked last week
about how much my relationship had pushed me away from everyone who loved me
and everyone I loved. There were a few
main friends in my life when all of this started going down.
One of
my friends was suffering from things going on in her own life. She had
graduated college the year before and moved back home so I never saw her during
this whole time I was in this relationship – yet she kept reaching out to me
every now and then because she knew I needed her and she needed me too! She
would text me and call me and write me letters…I kept pushing her away and
ignoring her and then finally when my relationship ended, I worked up the nerve
to call her and one of the things she said to me I will NEVER forget. She told
me how while I had been pushing her away, she was going through her own stuff
and she really needed me. That was the first time I ever even thought about how
much my relationship was hurting other people besides myself. I saw how much I
had hurt my best friend and how selfish I was and how awful of a friend I was
to her. But she FORGAVE me. To this day – she has NOT ONCE held my mistakes
against me. She welcomed me back with
open arms. And forgave me for not being there for her and for hurting her –
instead of pushing me away the same way I did her – she happily allowed our
relationship to be restored.
Two of
my other best friends were dating (each other). Unlike my first friend, these
two people were still at the college with me and saw the whole thing go down.
They saw the bruises on my arms and witnessed the anger and abuse my ex
exhibited. They stuck up for me, defended me, fought for me, argued for me,
protected me…they tried their hardest to show me how unhealthy and toxic my
relationship was…they did everything they could to show their love for me and
then when it started getting too bad – they did what was the healthiest thing
for them to do – they separated themselves from me. Not too long later – they
were engaged. I don’t even remember how long it had been since I had spoken
with them, at least 5 months…when we did a class exercises where we got in a
circle and chose someone to throw a ball to and tell them something we admired
about them. My former friend (the guy) chose to throw the ball to me and tell
me something he admired about me. That was the only time words were spoken
between us for at least 6 more months probably…until the week before their
wedding. My relationship had been over for several weeks and my friend
mentioned above was in town for these two friends’ wedding, so I went to pick
the above friend up from my soon to be married friends house, to have coffee
and catch up when I had the short chance to speak with my soon to be married
friend (sorry – this is confusing to write/read…I know). My friends who were
getting married invited me to their wedding. We hadn’t had an actual
conversation in almost a year – and they STILL wanted me at their wedding…I
ended up going to their wedding and when they returned from their honeymoon I
had the chance to catch up with them…it was a little shakey at first just
because of all the hurt that had happened and all of the trust that had been
broken…but some time passes and it was just like it was before. It was
beautiful. Just like my first friend, these two welcomed me back into their
lives – and we are still pretty close to this day…
This is
forgiveness to me. I have plenty of other examples I could give. I have other
friends who forgave me and welcomed me back into their lives…but these three
are the main ones who really have exhibited God’s forgiveness towards me.
These
people show me Christ’s love more than I think I’ll ever even realize…
God
forgives us.
I had to ask God to forgive me for putting my
faith in man instead of putting it in Him. – It’s something I still have to
work on, all of the time.
·
Colossians 2:13,14 “When you were dead in your sins and
in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He
forgave us all our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal
indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away,
nailing it to the cross.”
·
Psalm
103:10-12 “he does not treat us as our sins
deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the
heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as
far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from
us.”
·
Ephesians 1:7,8
·
Forgiveness does NOT mean there will not still be consequences. Ÿ
Consequences – though they are not fun – they
are good!! They are what shows us why we shouldn’t do stuff.
Any consequences that we experience on earth
are a sign of Gods mercy because we truly deserve Hell.
I still have plenty of things that I struggle
with because of allowing myself to be in that relationship, which I will talk
more about next week!
·
Psalm
130: 3,4 (NKJ): “If You, Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand?
But there is forgiveness with You, That You may be feared.”
Mercy vs. Grace
- Mercy is
God withholding from us the punishment that we do deserve (Hell)
- Grace is
God giving us things we do not deserve (Blessings)
Don’t belittle Christ’s act on the cross by saying it is not
enough to cover what you have done or will do. God ALREADY knew BEFORE He sent His Son the kind of people we
were going to be.
“Jesus wraps a servant’s girdle around his
waist, takes up the basin, and kneels before one of the disciples. He unlaces a
sandal and gently lifts the foot and places it in the basin, covers it with
water, and begins to bathe it. One by one, one grimy foot after another, Jesus
works his way down the row….
You can be sure Jesus knows the future of
these feet he is washing. These twenty-four feet will not spend the next day
following their master, defending his cause. These feet will dash for cover at
the flash of a Roman sword. Only one pair of feet won’t abandon him in the
garden. One disciple won’t desert him at Gethsemane—Judas won’t even make it
that far!...
Behold the gift Jesus gives his followers! He
knows what these men are about to do….And when they do, he wants them to
remember how his knees knelt before them and he washed their feet.
He wants them to realize those feet are still
clean….
He forgave their sin before they even
committed it.
He offered mercy before they even sought it.”
– Max Lucado, Just Like Jesus
We need
to forgive ourselves.
I had
to forgive myself for sinning and for putting myself in the situations I did. I
had to learn to forgive myself for hurting others around me and for not doing
what I knew was right.
When we
don’t forgive ourselves, we cannot forgive others. It creates bitterness and
resentment.
·
Our
sin affects others. Realizing how truly hurtful our sins are to God, ourselves,
and OTHERS.
·
Christ
not only washed away ALL of our sins, but He
bore our shame as well.
·
2 Corinthians 7:10,11 “Godly sorrow brings repentance that
leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See
what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to
clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern,
what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves
to be innocent in this matter.”
This is why
it is so important to be in The Word and SPEND TIME with
God, so we can learn more about Him and why our sin is so wrong!
We need
to forgive other people.
Part of my healing process was that I had to
learn to TRULY forgive my ex for what he put me through. If I had not forgiven
him, I would still be carrying it and I would carry it into my other
relationships.
How we handle
forgiveness affects the way we build and maintain relationships.
- Realizing that
everyone is a sinner and no one is perfect - Placing our faith in GOD and NOT
man. When we place other people on a pedestal and assume they’re perfect, we
are devastated when they fail us. Or when we punishing
new people for what old people did to us.
- Don’t sweep issues “under the rug” - Unhealed wombs keep re-opening
Why?
How?
·
Colossians 3:12-14 “Therefore, as God’s chosen people,
holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility,
gentleness and patience. Bear
with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against
someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all
together in perfect unity.”
I knew that
forgiving my ex would mean: not wishing bad against him.
For friends,
I knew they had forgiven me because they did not bring up the hurt I had caused
them or used it as leverage…
Forgiveness is a choice –
BUT it is also a command.
·
Do
not put a face to your struggles:
Ephesians 6:12, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against
the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and
against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
- Remove
the blame - instead of saying “oh so and so hurt me” say “I have been hurt…what
is going on in my heart right now”
What
does Paul say happens if we do not forgive? 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 “If anyone has caused grief, he has
not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put
it too severely. The
punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. Now instead, you ought to
forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive
sorrow. I urge you,
therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. Another reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the
test and be obedient in everything. Anyone
you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to
forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not
outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.”
·
When
we choose not to forgive, it creates separation…between us and God and us and
other people
So when we don’t want to forgive, or
are hurt so badly and don’t know how, what should we do?
·
Pray!
Don’t allow emotions to get in the way and corrupt your judgment. Don’t allow
satan to use it to turn you into someone you hate.
·
Go
to Gods word – look for passages about forgiveness.
·
Ask
God to show us what we need forgiveness for and where we are wrong in the
situation.
·
Start
with the small things. When brothers or sisters annoy you, pray for patience
with them.
·
If
we aren’t wrong – realize that we are wrong in God’s eyes for other things, but
He has forgiven us.
·
Pray
for the person! Praying for someone else not only heals them…but it brings
healing to us as well.
·
Set
healthy boundaries so things will not continue to happen. I had to learn to set
healthy boundaries in relationships, even in friendships. I learned my
insecurities and know where I have to draw the line instead of living wreckless
and careless. My friends who separated themselves for me when I was in the
unhealthy relationship – they did that because that was their healthy boundary.
They had to protect themselves from me and my relationship because it was toxic
and affected everyone around me.
Things to think about…
·
How does knowing that I am
forgiven affect the way I live?
- How does this change the way I feel about
myself, other people, and relationships in general?
·
How can I remember and
continually remind myself that I am forgiven?
Quotes:
“Once you realize all that it cost God to
forgive you, you will be held as in a vise, constrained by the love of God” –
Oswald Chambers
“It wasn’t the Romans who nailed Jesus to the
cross. It wasn’t spikes that held Jesus to the cross. What held him to that
cross was his conviction that it was necessary that he become sin – that he who
is pure become sin and that the wrath of God be poured down, not upon the
creation, but upon the Creator.
When the one who knew no sin became sin for
us, when the sinless one was covered with all the sins of all the world, God
didn’t call his army of angels to save him. He didn’t, because he knew he would
rather give up his Son than give up on us.
Regardless of what you’re done, it’s not too
late. Regardless of how far you’ve fallen, it’s not too late. It doesn’t matter
how low the mistake is, it’s not too late to dig down, pull out that mistake,
and then let it go – and be free.
What makes a Christian a Christian is not
perfection but forgiveness.” – Max Lucado
