yolo

I’ve yet to become a fan of the whole “yolo” fad. I guess you could call me a prude when it comes to it. Until recently at least…

It’s not that I don’t like taking chances and having fun and “living in the moment”…trust me – I am a big fan of all of those things…when they are within the limits of clear-headedness and innocence of course…if that makes sense…

Today I got the news that a friend who I went to college with had passed away this last weekend. At the young age of 27, he left behind a beautiful wife and a precious baby boy.

When I hear about someone passing away at such a young age, it’s hard not to automatically consider it a tragedy…but I kind of feel like that might be belittling what God has for us…

So many things lately have been making me think about how short life really is. Our lives could be over at any moment. (Morbid as this is sounding…stick with me for a moment)

We never know when our time is up. Whenever someone passes away, my dad always mentions how “our days are numbered” and when I was younger, I never really thought too much about what it meant because – well, when you’re young – you’re gonna live forever!

My dad always says how there is nothing we can do – when it is our time to go – it’s our time to go! Even if we are in a different place at a different time…God will still find a way to call us home.

We do only live once.

I think it’s human nature to take information like that and allow it to cause fear and paranoia – creating the whole “you only live once so act crazy and do whatever makes you feel good!”

But how sweet is it to acknowledge and understand the fact that we do only have one life and to then take that life and dedicate it completely to God? Living a life, not full of selfish, emotional acts powered by fear, but a life full of selflessness – powered by the hope and trust that we have in Christ – knowing that no matter what – He always has the best for us. And He is the only One that can bring any sort of meaning to our little momentary life.

I am certain my college friend knew this.

He lived each day with the kindness and love of Christ. Though I didn’t know him extremely well – I did know that he shined inside and out with joy.

I want that to be my thing.

I want to live a life that illuminates Christ’s love and goodness. A life that, when it is over (and even when it is not), leaves those around me (whether they have known me for my whole life, or just passed me on the street) with a feeling of peace and hope – knowing that I have lived a life of worth and meaning and love. A life full of Christ. A life that was not wasted and fueled by fear and insecurities – but a life motivated by the grace of God.

How sweet is it to know that we do only have one life to live. And that one life is short. And that we are able to do whatever it is that we want with that one life. But to choose to live it completely for Christ?

It is a scary thought of course. Thinking about all of the things I want in life – and letting all of that go and holding onto the hope that God knows what is best for me – but if all of my desires were easy to let go – then my Reward wouldn’t be as sweet would it?

So my friend passing away is not a tragedy. The fact that he left behind a wife and child is heartbreaking, of course – but the life he left behind is a witness of his obedience to Christ – knowing that God, in all of His power and wonder, controls every moment of his life, and trusting that no matter what, He is good.

Baby scares...

“A Letter of Joy

‘Rejoice in the Lord always.

Again I will say, rejoice!’

          – Philippians 4:4

Go with me back in history a couple of thousand years. Let’s go to Rome…to a rather drab little room, surrounded by high walls…Inside we see a man seated on the floor. He’s an older fellow, shoulders stooped and balding. Chains are on his hands and feet…

It is the apostle Paul…The apostle who was bound only by the will of God is now in chains – stuck in a dingy house – attached to a Roman officer…

He is writing a letter. No doubt it is a complaint letter to God. No doubt it is a list of grievances…He has every reason to be bitter and complain. But he doesn’t. Instead, he writes a letter that two thousand years later is still known as the treatise on joy – Philippians…”

– Max Lucado

I am exhausted. I have gotten a total of 9 hours of sleep in the last three nights combined. My mental and emotional states have been up and down because of personal things in my life and the lives of some of my dear friends. Then today, my friends’ sweet baby (whom I’ve written about before) was taken to the ER because he turned purple and was throwing up. He has RSV and pneumonia. When I got the news, I began shaking and I couldn't even concentrate. I left work right away to go to the hospital…

It seems like life is extra challenging lately. I don’t know what it is…just people all around me going through such intense heartache and pain and some becoming really ill…it’s just so exhausting thinking about it all.

I can feel the enemy attacking all around me…

“Rejoice in the Lord always.” What an incredible reminder that God is always there.

It’s crazy how tragedies can put things into perspective…

Praying in my car on the way home from the hospital I just thought on the truth that God allows all things to happen for a reason. One of my dear friends reminded me – NOTHING comes as a surprise to God. NOTHING.

Because of that – we can trust Him with our present and future.

We can rejoice in His goodness and rest in His omniscience.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,

and I will give you rest.”

– Matthew 11:28

Praise God.

Sinking Sand

Today in church we sang, “My Hope is Built on Nothing Less”

“All other ground is sinking sand…”

This verse keeps echoing in my mind…

There are so many things that God is teaching me lately…it’s hard to get them all out of my head and onto paper…since I feel like I am still in the middle of processing all of them…

One thing I can share though is how God has been showing me more and more that He is all I really need.

I have a bad habit of putting a lot of my faith in things and people…or even in my ideas of people…even when I know that that desire for fulfillment in me is only Christ-shaped and HE is the ONLY ONE who can ever satisfy it.

God has been teaching me a lot lately that I need to empty myself out of so many things…of my ideas about Him and other people and situations and even myself…and how I need to just look to Him for everything.

“My hope is built on nothing less…”

In my devotional – I’m in the book of Job. On the surface, Job seems to be one of those books where it feels long and tedious…and it seems like maybe the author could have shortened it to about 2 or 3 chapters and the point would have been made quite clear…without all of that back and forth…but reading it bit by bit…it is such a realistic book…not that the other books in the Bible aren’t…but I mean – it’s so relatable…hopefully you get what I’m saying…I don’t feel like explaining it any further…

In Job 8 verse 15 Bildad says:

“He trusts in his house, but it does not stand;

He holds fast to it, but it does not endure.”

I have a lot of insecurities. And lately – they have been terrifying me. Because I see how I have allowed them to mold my attitude and outlook on certain people and situations. I have allowed them to take over my reality on certain things and completely distort the truth. Even if they originally were brought to me as completely logical uncertainties…I have entertained them to the point where they have plagued me in some areas of my life – turning me into not only insecure but paranoid.

It wasn’t difficult for me to allow them to do this – since I wasn’t placing my faith in God in the first place…

“When all around my soul gives way,

He then is all my hope and stay…”

It’s beautiful – how He loves us to the point where He has created a desire in us so great that only HE can fill it.

I want to empty myself out to the point where I am completely blank.

All of my fears and hurts and insecurities…all of my ideas and thoughts about people and situations, whether past, present, or future…all of my ideas about who I am or who other people are…I want to be completely rid of it all…

Because by holding on to all of those things…I’m holding on to the potential of more fear and hurt and insecurities…

It seems like emptying myself of all of this would come as a little scary…but in truth – it excites me so much. Because I know that when everything else is gone – God is there. And He will always be there. And when I only look to Him – He has the chance to do whatever He wants with my life.

And I can think of nothing more beautiful.

My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;

I dare not trust the sweetest frame,

But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

On Christ the solid rock I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand.

All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness veils His lovely face,

I rest on His unchanging grace;

In every high and stormy gale

My anchor holds within the veil.

On Christ the solid rock I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand.

All other ground is sinking sand.

His oath His covenant and blood

Support me in the ‘whelming flood:

When all around my soul gives way,

He then is all my hope and stay.

On Christ the solid rock I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand.

All other ground is sinking sand.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,

O may I then in him be found.

Dressed in his righteousness alone,

Faultless to stand before his throne.

On Christ the solid rock I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand.

All other ground is sinking sand.

some thing

I’ve never had a “thing”

I’ve always wanted one though.

You know…a thing…like…some people have a sport…some people play an instrument…some people run…some sing…some write…some collect things…some are photographers…

I’ve always loved all of those things…and more…but I’m not sure that there has ever been one thing where when people think of me they think of that one thing that has to do with me.

I don’t know what I want people to know me by. I don’t know what thing I want to have people think of me by…like when they see it or hear it or think of it – it automatically takes their mind to me…

I have my quirks, sure…but……I want a thing…

I’ve always admired those people who know just who they are or who they want to be and know exactly what they want and love and go after it with all of their heart…

Those athletes who only feel at home when they’re on their field and when they acquire an injury their whole world becomes rearranged…

Those musicians who are only able to express themselves adequately when they are singing…

That’s how you know someone loves something. When they don’t care about the condition of the field or the instrument or the weather…

They don’t have to have the best of the best. They take what they can get and they give it their whole heart.

They welcome the banged up, hand-me-down guitar with open arms and treat it as if it were the most precious thing they’ll ever own. They sit in their room for hours upon hours perfecting their passion because it's just a part of them...it's a part of who they are and who they want to be...

I don’t know what my thing is…

But I want one…