You know those days where you just seem to be going through
the motions?
Where you just kind of are alive…but not 100% sure you are
living?
I’m not talking about those deep depressing days where you
feel like you’re going to break any second…though those could possibly fit into
this post as well…
I’m just talking about that…”wherever the wind blows me”
sort of attitude…
”just rollin’ with the punches…”
”just rollin’ with the punches…”
"It is what it is..."
Well…today was sort of like that for me.
One of my good friends and I argue A LOT…but in a good way! It’s
great because we are both pretty hard headed and we just push each other to
really think about certain things and just really dig deep into why we believe
what we believe and why we think the way we do! Now – he is not a
Christian…so…granted…we both have extremely different views…but we still
respect each other.
A few weeks ago he told me I was being way too hard on one
of my other friends because of some choices that this other person was
making…and at first I just stood my ground and said that I wasn’t at all…but
after I had thought about it for a few days, I decided that he may have been
right.
But after a day like today…where I just feel like I’m just
sitting in this tiny boat and being pushed wherever the tide takes me…I am
reminded that I kind of like that stubborn part of myself. Granted…I can come
off somewhat judgmental sometimes…and that is something I really am working on…but
as long as I am not being prideful, and my stubbornness is coming from a place
of wisdom and discernment…then I don’t want to change that part of myself!
I want drive!
I want passion!
I want heart!
I want a foundation to build a house on!
And I want a hill to die on!
I don’t want to just be going through my days, not really
knowing why I am doing what I am doing and just feeling “alright…”.
I want so much more than just “going through the motions…”
I WANT PURPOSE!
Growing up I was always taught to learn and figure out for
myself what I believe and why I believe it. I was taught to do research and
read and look into things for myself. I was taught to not just take whatever
people throw at me and just believe it just because I am told to, but to really
be able to defend it because my heart is in it and not just because I am able
to recite by verbatim a list of reasons why I believe it.
Then, going to a Christian college, it kind of just became
exhaustive to me. Like “alright I get it…!”
I don’t think I fully understood and appreciated what my
family and professors were trying to do for me…
Basically, they were telling me to get a backbone…find some
passion! Find some PURPOSE!
I don’t think that it is all about just book smarts…or even
bible smarts…if that makes sense…anyone could soak up information about
anything and recite it.
It’s about heart. And actually LIVING it out.
Sometimes I don’t see God for how beautiful He truly is…
