Here and Now.

California Here I.......am?

Yep.

Here I am…back in my old room, unpacking all that Phoenix had to give me…

I am so excited.

Yet, I’m scared.

I’ve said it a few times…big things are happening.

God is opening doors.

My last post I talked about how if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans…and then I proceeded to say Heaven most likely has a whole comedy club about my life…haha…if I only knew…

My plans were set. I was going to move in with my friends and I was super excited about it.

California was nowhere on my mind except as just a place to pass through on my way to Jamaica…

But when I got back to California after Jamaica I realized how much I missed it…

Now, here I am, in my room, in my old hometown that I grew up in…contemplating what my future holds for me…

Our days are numbered…and I don’t want to be stuck somewhere just because it is where I am…does that make sense? I was ready to go.

Another big thing…I had an interview in Texas this next weekend to work at a boarding school for troubled teens.

There it is. Right there. That’s my dream.

Everything I’ve wanted for the longest time…oooooooor so I thought……?

I’m realizing more and more how easy it is to get lost in life…how easy it is to lose site of some things. But I cannot lose site of my passions.

I love my friends in Phoenix so much. So much. They are some of my best friends.

But life seems to be taking me other places – hey, I am not complaining about what life is dishing my way, that’s for sure…

God’s grace is amazing. And how far He has brought me is just incredible.

No matter what happens in my life. He HAS to come first.

Lord knows when I am running my own life how much I make a mess of things.

So about the interview…I came back to California…once again…as just a place to pass through on my way to my “big dreams”…and what happened…?

I don’t feel led to Texas anymore.

Call me crazy. I would.

But I’ve prayed and prayed. The moment I crossed the city limit to my hometown…I knew this was where I am supposed to be.

Who knows why…

If you would have told me a month ago that a month from then I would be back in my home town in Cali I would have probably told you were crazy…and then I would have gone snorkeling…because a month ago I was in Jamaica.

Yet, here I am. And I feel this crazy calling to be here. I can’t explain it. I can’t describe it.

Tehachapi was definitely NOT a place I wanted to return to. If anything, I would have done everything to stay out of here. And here I am. Turning down an amazing opportunity in Texas to be here…the last place I ever wanted to be…because I feel this unexplainable calling here.

I remember sleeping on the floor in my empty apartment in Phoenix when I very first got it.

I was so excited…

Independence. That’s how I looked at it.

I had just graduated college and instead of returning back home to California, I made the decision to stay in Phoenix and try “real life” out.

A few weeks ago, there I was…one year later…in the same empty room…laying on the same floor…

All of my things were gone. My walls had been painted back to their original color and my carpet was freshly cleaned, as if the spills and stains had never happened in the first place.

Just more memories to place away in that thing we call the “past”.

What would life be like if you could watch it as a flipbook?

Right now…I may look as if I am going backwards…

Move from Cali to Phoenix to empty apartment – fill it with things – remove all those things then move back to Cali…

But I’m not going backwards.

I have never felt more at peace about a decision I have made.

Life is crazy.

One minute – I had a plan. And then completely out of the blue, I was side-swiped by something that completely re-arranged my life.

Now everything looks…hazy…but a very good hazy…

Does that make sense?

Like I know I am on this incredible adventure and I am so excited, but it is scary in the sense that I do not know exactly where it is going to take me.

I would have thought for sure that Texas was where I was supposed to go.

I mean, seriously…a boarding school to work with teens…what more amazing opportunity for me than to be able to live my passion 24/7? So why don’t I feel called there anymore…?

Because it’s not what God has for me. Duh.

One of my last posts was about little things leading to little things leading to little things leading to big things…right?

Here’s another for you:

I had a roommate in college for the first part of my senior year.

This roommate moved to Texas to work at that boarding school.

Before she left, I ran into her at Wal-Mart one day and she told me about the place she was going to, and I felt this passion to look into it.

So I did. And I applied.

I didn’t hear back from the school for a few months, so during that time, I had made plans to work at a church in Phoenix and also move in with one of my best friends (as I’ve talked about before).

Then, the week before Jamaica, I heard back from the school and they wanted more information on me. Then after they received that, they wanted me to fly out for an interview.

The next day, I left for Jamaica. While I was there my mom searched and searched for a flight to Texas for me but everything was too expensive so it didn’t end up working out right then.

(Side note: the layover on our way back from Jamaica was originally supposed to be in Miami, but our flight home had crazy complications and three of the people who I went with [and myself myself] ended up having a layover in Dallas…just an hour from where I needed to be for my interview…another comedy night for Heaven…)

Also while I was in Jamaica…something happened that made me want to move back home to Cali for awhile, before I went to Texas.

So let’s re-cap…

If I had not saw my ex-roommate at the store, I wouldn’t have applied to the place in Texas, if I hadn’t applied to the place in Texas, I would have for sure stayed in Phoenix and worked at a church there and lived with two of my best friends.

If I hadn’t gone to Jamaica, I wouldn’t have moved back home to Cali (originally planned just as a “pass-through” town before Texas)

If I hadn’t gone to Jamaica and hadn’t moved back home, I would have stayed in Phoenix, still had my job, and would have had enough money to go to Texas…

So two places I would possibly be right now…Texas…or Phoenix…

And yet, here I am. The place I would have least expected to have ever re-turned to.

Yet…I have never felt happier or more at peace.

I know I am here for a reason. I would be an idiot to say it all happened by chance or as a mistake.

How do people not believe in God?

I don’t understand that…but I am sure I could write a COMPLETELY different post on that...

But really…I cannot deny the power that He has and how He can simply, mysteriously intervene in our lives...

So here I am now. Back in Cali…

At the moment I am currently completing my degree and I know exactly what I want…

I am looking into getting my Masters in Psychology…

And I’ll be well on my way to becoming a relationship consultant/mentor for teenage girls.

It is funny how the place I least expected to find direction…is the place I am finding it the most…