Honestly - It's honesty.

So I have written about this in my last few posts quite a bit…and I apologize if I am getting repetitive….but I can’t really help it right now – my heart feels so led to talk about it more…

There is just something about living in the truth. About living a life that is genuine.

No ulterior motives – no false pretenses – no hiding from anything…

I guess I have had several conversations lately, all with different people…about some pretty heartfelt stuff.

Most people say bringing up the past is a bad thing…but I don’t think the past is something we should run from – no matter how much hurt it can bring.

Before I go on…Let me make this clear – DWELLING IN and OBSESSING OVER the past is in NO WAY healthy. The past is the past for a reason. You don’t live in it anymore because you are not meant to. We are meant to heal, grow, and move on – but sometimes…bringing it up again – allows us to do just that.

I know life is not perfect. And we won’t always get “closure” in every circumstance like we would like to. But sometimes we do…and I think those are times where it just all “falls together”

Whether you want Him to be or not – God is in control. He knows every tear you cry.

When people say that God works every thing together for His glory…it also means that He works every thing together for your good.

God heals our heartache and our hurts. He heals them in ways that we could never imagine…

And sometimes He does that by allowing the past to be brought up again…maybe after some time so that you are able to see it from a different perspective or in a different light…maybe so you can finally see something that you never were able to see before…maybe to serve as a reminder for why things happened the way that they did…or just maybe so you can see how far you have come.

Maybe He brings someone else to you to be there for you while you bring up your past…maybe He gives you someone to lean on while you work it all out.

Honestly – it’s honesty.

Sometimes we need to talk to someone about a situation 6 months after the fact to help us process it all. Sometimes we just need to talk and sometimes we just need someone to sit there and act like they are listening.

Sometimes we need to reconnect with someone two years after an incident to apologize for and talk out something that happened.

And sometimes we just need to cry. No matter how long ago it all happened…if we feel like we still have emotions from it…it is best to just be honest with it all and just let it out.

Forgiveness.

It’s being honest and opening up the chance of forgiveness…towards others and ourselves.

I know I know...

I officially suck.

I wont even try to make excuses for my letdown.

“Things I am thankful for”

well…I am thankful for all the things in my life that keep me SO busy…even though that does cause me to sometimes sacrifice other things that I enjoy…like blogging…I am sorry…

I could just say forget it and move on from that whole idea...especially because November is over. But tonight I was reminded of so many things that I am thankful for. So no way.

So here we go…16-30…I’ll make this short and sweet!

16:

Music…because for some reason, things are just better said/understood in a song.

17:

Tears. Because sometimes a girl just needs to sit down and have a good cry session! (I had me a pretty good one tonight) There is just something so freeing about crying…like – I am a lighter person afterwards…

18:

TRUTH. I may have already gone over this in some form…but tonight I was really reminded how thankful I am that I am able to LIVE in truth in my life. Not just because I know that I have Christ and He IS TRUTH…but because of that – I am free to live in the truth of everything else. My feelings, emotions, fears, doubts, hopes…and so on and so forth. I am able to be COMPLETELY and utterly honest with myself and God about how I feel because I know that ultimately HE is in control of my life. Not me! My fears are not in control…my doubts are not in control…sure at times they might feel like they are…but Christ has given me an out from that.

I know people who – honestly – each time I am with them and they are talking…I have to keep asking myself if what they are saying is the truth or a lie. And I have to constantly keep reminding myself to take what they are saying with a grain of salt.

But a life of TRUTH. To live in such a way that is above reproach. There is nothing more free. Because some people are just too insecure and crippled by their fears to live in the truth that is their life. But not me. Tonight I was reminded that no matter how much it hurts…I am actively choosing to live a life of honesty, genuineness, and TRUTH over a life of lies and fiction. Because no matter what – I want to be TRUE to who I am and what I know is right. No matter how I am feeling.

And with that being said…# Nineteen:

The ability to see beyond my present state.

Twenty:

Good health.

21:

People with absolute gumption who just don’t give a rip! Who will stand up for what they know to be right.

22:

Creation and natural revelation – there is NOTHING like seeing the beauty of creation and knowing that you get to spend every second of your life with the One who made it.

23:

Choices. The ability to know and choose right from wrong. Yes…most of the time I do wish I was just wired to be perfect and automatically choose what’s right. But I am thankful for the times where I am able to sit there and look at both sides and know why I am choosing what I am choosing…and know why something is RIGHT…

24:

JACKETS!!!! Haha random I know….but with it being winter and cold weather…I am just so thankful for jackets! I love big comfy coats that keep me comfortable and warm…

25:

Stability.

26:

The rain! I truly believe there is nothing more romantic in the world than rain…and I believe that every time it rains – God is thinking of me…just because He knows how much I love it haha…

27:

Opportunities in life.

28:

Surprises. I used to think that I hated surprises – and of course…no one really likes a bad surprise…haha…but just unexpected things in life…sort of like the kisses from God that I mentioned in an earlier post…but perhaps somewhat different…just waking up thinking that the day is going to go one way…but something happens and it ends up twisting into something completely different.

That thought truly keeps me positive at times…that no matter what it may be – my present state is not permanent. And I never know what is going to happen next.

29:

Community. I know I talked about family and friends and the high school and junior high students…but just community in general…the people who I wouldn’t typically place under the other categories…but who are still there…who live and breathe and believe the same what I do…

Thirty:

A happy heart. I don’t even think the word “happy” is good enough…a heart at peace?

I don’t know. I’m lacking the perfect word right now. All I know is whatever it is considered…I am filled with it. I wish I could expand further on it all – maybe another time…but I guess what I can leave you with – is that God is SO good. He is above us in every way possible. And He loves us and always has and wants the best for us. All we have to do is give Him all the crap that weighs us down. I know it sounds difficult…and trust me…it is a never-ending, daily struggle…but right now – in this moment – I know I am so blessed…and God has filled my heart and my life with more love than I ever thought possible…

I can hurt – but I can know He is holding me through it all…

He gives me everything I never think to need or ask for…

and I am SO thankful for that.

14 & 15

Fourteen and Fifteen kind of go hand-in-hand…

Gods Word and The Ability To Learn And Grow.

I think it is ridiculous the amount of times that I take having a bible for granted.

I mean come on…this is THE WORD OF GOD!!!

How many times do I sit there while I am praying and just say: “If I could only hear Your voice…”

DUH! DUMMY!!! That is what the Bible is for.

Yeah…it’s not his literal voice…but it is still His plan for my life woven in a beautiful love letter…

An instruction manual.

A manual on how to live a Christ-like life.

You know when you get a new board game or a project and it comes with instructions on how to play it or assemble it? And there are always those people who just love to jump on in and figure it out themselves? And then there are those other people who have to get out the manual and read every instruction word for word so they know exactly how to play…because heaven forbid the game is not played EXACTLY how it is meant to be???

I’m going to be honest with you guys…I am totally that person. The annoying “play by the rule book WORD for WORD” kind of person…and yes…I will continue to refer to the manual throughout the game just to be certain that if I am losing…I am losing fairly…haha because chances are I am losing and I will fight everyone on it if I don’t have the exact rules there to refer to…so in other words…everyone is just better off not playing games with me…

But getting back on track…this is a good thing right? That I consider the instructions to be such a crucial part in the actual process…

So why do I seem to forget so often to refer to the Bible when I need to know how to live?

I just think it is incredible how much information God has given us in the bible. And how many stories there are for us to turn to and learn from…

And they aren’t just stories about random people…they are stories about our ancestors! Forget ancestry.com…this is our incredibly detailed family tree people! Some of it is somewhat embarrassing for us to claim as relative I’m sure…but other stuff…is pretty dang incredible.

It is crazy to me how many people I talk to that want to “live right” and do the “right thing” and be better…and yet…they seem to try to rely solely on their own personal ability to do so…or they read inspirational books and take the words of a mentor as foundational truth…yet they don’t bother to crack open the Ultimate Truth every once and awhile.

How can I grow and live right and gain knowledge if I don’t actually KNOW how to do these things?

How can I be Christ-like if I don’t even know what Christ is like?

How can I love my neighbor and myself if I don’t even know what love IS or HOW to do it?

How can I grow spiritually if I don’t know what being “spiritual” entails and looks like?

I can’t!

But thankfully…God has made it possible for me to do all of this…I just have to read His instructions…

We haven’t been left stranded and alone to fend for ourselves!

He has given us the knowledge we need and the ability to learn and to grow.

Eleven - Thirteen

Eleven:

Y.O.U.

My readers.

Without you…my blogging would be all for not! Whatever that means…

But seriously.

You have no idea how much it means to me that you come here for a visit every day and actually take the time to read my ramblings…

My blog would not be what it is without you!

No matter how many times I say that my blogging is more for myself and a way for me to vent and heal and just plain let out whatever is on my mind…I still am not certain I would continue doing it if I did not have you on the other end actually caring about what I have to say!

You are a beautiful piece to my story and I am extremely thankful you are here!

So thank you.

Twelve:

Writing.

I am so thankful to have the ability to write.

Whether it be posting blogs, writing in my journal, jotting down random quotes and songs…I am thankful for it all.

Writing is such an incredible gift when it comes to the process of healing and just working through things.

It’s funny because most of the time when I sit down to start writing something in my journal…I wont even really know where to begin…but as soon as my pen touches the paper…it just all kind of starts to flow out…like with each though that I write down, another one that I had not realized before is being unlocked…

I have learned so much about myself by writing out my struggles and hurts and accomplishments…

Some of my favorite times, just involve me, a pen, my journal, and of course coffee…and it’s just me sitting there…cleansing myself of whatever is going on and discovering where I could go from there…

I love it.

Which brings me to number 13…

COFFEE!

I know.

I know.

I know…

It sounds so petty…

I just sound like one of those mindless-obsessive coffee addicts…and I admit…at times I really can be.

But there is just something about going out for coffee with a friend…

Or just going to Starbucks to get some coffee and study…

Probably 90% of my favorite things involve coffee.

Okay I am not sure if that is true.

But still…I cannot really help that I just love coffee.

There are two ways to my heart…Jesus…and coffee…

Alright maybe a few more…but Jesus ALWAYS first…and coffee…

Haha…