Last month I spent a week in Seattle with one
of the kindest person I have ever known. I have written about this person
before…a few years ago probably – about how much she, by her actions alone,
convicts me of the importance of kindness and I mentioned that she even has a
blog devoted to showing kindness (which you can read here).
I have always “known” that Leah is a very
kind person – but when I spent a week with her in Seattle – I actually got to
witness it firsthand every day.
From things like asking the clerk at the
grocery store how their day is going, to writing “Thank you” on the “merchant
copy” of her receipts at restaurants - she is always radiating some sort of kindness. But the
thing with Leah is – she actually means
the things she says and does and it is so natural to her that it would be
difficult for me to believe if she even debates whether or not to show kindness
or ever has any hesitation of doing it – it’s just what she does.
And being around her really challenges me.
I am currently in the middle of reading a
book called “Daring Greatly” by Brené Brown. The book itself is on the
importance of being vulnerable – and it is an amazing book. For anyone who
likes to read applicable-research books – I highly recommend this one. The only
downside is that I do not believe Brené is a Christian – at least she never
confesses to be and there are some things she says in her book that leads me to
believe that she is not. But I first heard of her when I went to a Christian
Leadership conference that she spoke at a few weeks ago – so I know she is not
completely opposed to Christianity…haha...
Anywho…
In one chapter of the book it talks about the
masks and armor that we use to hide when we are trying to escape from being
vulnerable. Brené talks about the behaviors that we use to numb ourselves in
attempt to avoid vulnerability and how these behaviors do not only affect us –
but they also affect the people around us. In the chapter she inserts an
article that she wrote a few years ago about cell phones and disconnection for
the Houston Chronicle. Before you continue to read what I have to say…go read
her article here. It will seriously take you like 2 minutes.
Seriously. GO.
No…really…READ IT!!
K good job!!!
“When we treat people as objects, we
dehumanize them. We do something really terrible to their souls and to our
own.”
“I'm
not suggesting that we engage in a deep, meaningful relationship with the man
who works at the cleaners or the woman who works at the drive-through, but I am
suggesting that we stop dehumanizing people and start looking them in the eye
when we speak to them. If we don't have the energy or time to do that, we
should stay at home.”
If
those two comments did not stand out to you then something is wrong.
I
can’t get that word out of my head…”we dehumanize
them”…
My
heart and mind just stopped when I first read that.
But
it’s so true isn’t it?
I
was a waitress for several years – so I know just what this article is talking
about. To some people – I was a person who worked at a restaurant and not only was
I helping meet their nutritional needs, but I had a life and feelings and I
breathed the same air they did – but to
other people – I was their servant. **Their life-less, feeling-less,
emotion-less, insignificant servant. Some people can be very rude. Especially
when it comes to food.
I am
no longer a waitress, but just the other day I had a “run-in” with a lady (a
senior citizen mind you) whom I was trying to help and she crumbled up a piece
of paper, threw it in my face and then called me a “stupid b*tch” as she walked
out the door.
It
would not be completely accurate for me to say that I am “used” to this kind of
behavior from people – but I have definitely learned to laugh it off – at least
when it comes from someone I am not emotionally attached to. If it had been someone
I loved who did that to me…I’m sure my feelings on the matter would be
completely different.
But
that was me on a good day.
And
I was able to separate my emotion from the situation and was able to recognize
that this lady was stressed and frustrated and…she may or may not have been
under the influence of something other than “stress and frustration.”
If I
were having a bad day…I probably would not have been able to brush it off as
easily.
Remember
my rantings on “Conversing with Mrs. Potty Mouth”? I mentioned how later on that night, on the drive home, I
started wondering what was going on in this lady’s life that was making her act
the way she did…and I even recognized that I could have handled the situation
better…no matter how angry it made me.
Just
imagine if no one in this world practiced self-awareness. What an awful place
we would live in. If you think it’s an “every man for himself-dog-eat-dog”
world right now – just think about how it would be then…
It’s
easy to get swept up in your day. I
know that all too well. And it is
easy to make excuses like; “I have a lot on my mind” or “I’m stressed” or
“everyone has their bad days – they understand” – I know those all too well.
But
do you know what else is easy to do? Treat people like actual human beings.
Human beings that matter and have lives and have just as much stress and pain
and things to do as we do.
Somehow
we have made kindness out to be this
extremely difficult thing. But it only seems
difficult because it is typically not the norm. We may be in pain or having
a bad day or have a lot of distractions on our mind – but when we look at our
actions as being potentially damaging to another persons’ soul…how hard is it
to lay aside whatever is going on in our minds/lives for a few minutes and show
someone else that they actually matter.
And what they do matters.
It
could be something as simple as looking up from our phones to look someone in
the eye and smile at them – letting them know that you actually acknowledge
their presence.
It
could be sending a text or giving someone a phone call and just asking them how
their life has been – showing them that you appreciate the fact that they even
trust you in their life.
It
could be asking a grocery store clerk how their day is going instead of waiting
for them to ask you first – or writing a simple “Thank you” on your lunch
receipt when you give it back to the waitress.
Or
even buying someone’s coffee at Starbucks.
Sending
flowers or writing cards…
I do
believe that kindness is contagious.
And
that it is possible to turn someone’s day around for the better just by giving
a simple smile or a hug or a text.
You
never know what someone is going through. If there is one thing I have learned
– it is that people – you and I – are VERY good at wearing masks. It’s like
second nature for us to go into “flight” mode and cover up how we are truly
feeling. So I try to remind myself that just because someone puts on a smile
doesn’t mean that is how they are actually feeling.
Maybe
the person they came into contact with right before you just yelled at them or
cussed them out.
I
was in Starbucks the other day and my friend who works there told me that a
lady in the drive thru was yelling at her co-worker because they were out of
caramel syrup.
Caramel
syrup.
Really?
You’re
going to yell at someone and DEHUMANIZE them over caramel syrup?
I
mean – I love a good caramel macchiato just as much as the next person who pays
way too much for their cup of milk and sugar but seriously. Caramel syrup…
It’s
so sad…
But
I have to believe that something can be done.
I have to.
My
desire for today and every day is to start a chain reaction of kindness…a
pay-it-forward.
Sometimes
I hold myself back – waiting for the “perfect” moment or the “perfect” thing to
say – but I have learned that there really is no such thing as perfect and to act (in a kind manner) is better
than to not act at all. Even if I don’t know what to say or how to say it –
when it comes to showing someone how much I care about them – none of that
matters. All that matters is that I actually do something to show them I care for and appreciate them.
If I
can stop even just one person from stepping off that edge into an ocean of
shameful tears – then every action I make is worth it.
No
matter how bad my day might go – I still want to give other people a reason to
smile.
So
let’s not wait anymore! Let’s just go do it! (I may or may not have had help with
writing this from Shia LaBeouf)
