A few months…(I think)…ago…my friend Kristyna and I went to
Starbucks to do devotionals and just…talk.
We talked about a lot of different things – but mainly –
relationships were the highlight of our topic.
She said something that I remember quite vividly – “From all
bad, comes good”
Obviously I have heard this before…but I am not sure if I
had ever heard it in the context that she had used it in. And honestly, I can’t
say that I completely agreed with her at first.
My first thought when I heard her say it for the very first
time was, “No. That’s not true.”
Part of me was still so emotionally caught up in my
situation that I thought, “How could you say something like that? I am really
only seeing bad come from my bad situation.”
“I’m seeing hurt and pain and scars and bitterness and anger
and consequences and repercussions and wounded relationships and broken people
and burned bridges. I’m experiencing sleepless nights and horrible dreams and
random outbursts of memories and tears. I’m NOT in a good place. Good did NOT
come from the bad I experienced.”
Sometimes – and these are mainly the times when I want to be stubborn and want to see things how I want to see them – I can be very prideful.
I think the more time that passes – the more I see that SO
much GOOD has come from the bad I have experienced. Good that definitely would
not have happened if I had not had the bad in my life.
I love HIMYM. Obviously my recent marathon of it has helped
inspire what I’m talking about.
I love how Ted always puts meaning behind things.
It’s always a story of how something did or didn’t happen,
which led to something else happening, which led to something else, and then
something else, and then something else…which led to him meeting the mother of
his children.
I know it can be exhausting – thinking that everything happens for a reason and
that everything has some meaning or
lesson behind it…
This can be a very dangerous belief to live by.
Hours, or days even, can be spent analyzing one simple
action that you subconsciously want to have some sort of crazy meaning…
But for the most part…if you look at the big picture, it is
true.
I come from a very small town in California.
Growing up I had two dreams. First: I wanted to play college
soccer. Second: I wanted to be a journalist. Specifically, I wanted to go to
Patrick Henry College in Virginia and study under one of the writer and editors
of World Magazine and then one day, work for the magazine.
My junior year in high school I became in danger of tearing
my ACL and was physically forced to quit playing soccer (unless I wanted
surgery after I completely tore it.) That was a horrible thing to deal with.
Dream one gone.
After I graduated high school one of my best friends and I
went to Patrick Henry for a journalism camp (and if you’re wondering, like so
many others before you…I don’t know if it is like space camp…I have never been)
I totally thought that that is where I was going to go…
(Before I say this next part – I should note that the women’s
dean of the college I went to here in Phoenix was my second grade teacher when
I lived in Colorado…[whom my parents stayed close friends with]) A few weeks
later my parents planned a trip to Phoenix to visit these said friends and they
encouraged me to check out the college while we were there.
So I did. And I absolutely hated it.
My mind was dead-set against coming to Phoenix…(I have no
idea why…)
I knew what I wanted and I was going to go after it –
Virginia.
(Have I mentioned that I am a fighter for the things I
want…and I used to fight even if that thing was not good for me…?)
I had prayed about it and not even a week later – I knew I
was supposed to go to Phoenix (I have no idea why – they didn’t even have a
Journalism program…)
It might also be funny to note that growing up – I hated
girls. Really – I was rude – I had a horrible attitude, and I couldn’t stand
people my age and younger – I was definitely not the person you’d pick out of a
crowd and want to be best friends with.
When I came to Phoenix to go to college I finally knew what
I was meant to do. And gradually wanted to do. Work with teenage girls.
So I majored in Behavioral Health, and quickly learned that
this area was my passion.
I am SO different today than the person I used to be. I LOVE
people. I LOVE relationships. And I LOVE working with teenage girls.
What is the saying…”If you want to make God laugh, tell Him
your plans.”
So true…
Heaven probably makes a whole comedy club out of my life…
Anywho…
My point is…at the time that all of these things happened…I
thought them to be horrible…
But if I had not hurt my knee I would have probably played
college soccer and I would probably still be in California right now.
And if I had played college soccer, I wouldn’t have gone to
Virginia.
And if my family hadn’t moved to Colorado for a short time
when I was younger, they would not have met the woman who was my second grade
teacher.
And if they hadn’t met her, then I would not have gone to
Phoenix for school.
And if I had not visited Phoenix and had moved to Virginia,
I would have never met the people who I call my best friends today.
Maybe that is too much analyzing…but…maybe it isn’t…
Sure, I’d have a completely different life and have
completely different friends and it all would probably be great and amazing and
I would not know any better…
There are other “If I had never…” points I could easily make
right now…some that are fairly more applicable to why I am writing this post…
Basically – relationships. I’ll be completely honest and say
that I have never had a good
romantic relationship. Not even one.
But if I had not experienced these relationships – I would
not be the person I am today…
And that is something that I am so thankful for.
Because of these past relationships, I am able to relate to people I would have never been able to relate to and help and comfort girls I would have never been able to help if I had not had these experiences...
And...If I had not been in a relationship, I would not have gotten
the job I have today and I would not have the amazing roommate/friend that I have
today.
If I had not gotten the job I have today, I probably would
not have stayed in Phoenix.
And if I had not stayed in Phoenix, I would not be living
the amazing life I live today...
Of course, it would probably be amazing in a different
way…but maybe not.
If this is where I am – then I trust that this is where God has
me. And if this is where God has me…then I know my life is and will be way
more amazing than any life that I could have created for myself…
Maybe God would have used me in other ways if I had made
different choices and gone different places…I’m sure He would have.
But it is not about what I didn’t do and how He could have used me…
It is about where I am now and what God has for me where He
has me.
So long-post-short…Yes Kristyna…I agree…from ALL bad, comes GOOD.
