"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

What if you felt God telling you to do something a little scary?

What if you felt Him nudging you to step outside of your comfort zone and trust Him a little?

It's something that might sound a little crazy when you finally say it aloud. 

People might be wondering what in the world you're doing...

But you know. You just know - that this little flame inside of you wasn't conjured by anything inside of you other than the Holy Spirit.

You don't know how...but you just know. 

It's God.

Don't allow those moments...or nudges...to pass you by. 

Don't sit back and try to reason them.

And most of all - don't doubt. 

Don't doubt that the same God who has guided you and pulled you through time and time again won't be faithful to His promise to you. Don't doubt that He won't be there on the other end of this step. 

You gotta take it though.

YOU have to be the one who obeys.

YOU have to be the one who pursues it and makes it happen.

God already has your steps planned and your path paved. All you have to do is listen and follow.

Don't allow chances to keep passing you by in life.

Before you know it, 50 years will pass by and you'll be sitting there wondering what would have happened if only you would have jumped.

Who cares what everyone else will say and think.

This is YOUR life.

Don't be afraid to live it.

If only you'll trust God, He'll exceed all of your expectations and hopes and He will bless you more than you can ever imagine.

So let Him.

Let Him guide you and use you.

When you finally know what He is telling you to do - don’t hesitate. PRAY, YES. But hesitate? That will only cause the flame to fade more and more until it burns out. Then you miss your opportunity and start to make excuses saying, “God must not have really wanted me to do that - or else I would still feel that nudge from Him.” The only one you’ll have to blame for your stagnant life at that point is yourself.

If you’re not growing - you’re not obeying.

You can do it.

A sorrowful heart

“Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, ‘Sit here while I go over there and pray.’ He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, ‘My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.’ Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.’ 

Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. ‘Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?’ he asked Peter. ‘Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.’ 

He went away a second time and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.’ 

When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing. Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, ‘Are you still sleeping and resting?...’” - Matthew 26:38-44

Three times Christ prayed that God would change His plans... 

Luke 22:44 even says: "And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground." 

Have you even been so stressed out that you sweat blood? Me neither. It's amazing how our bodies exhibit stress. I've written on here before about how bad my anxiety attacks have been - my mind has raced making it near to impossible to get a clear thought, I've lost full nights of sleep on numerous occasions, had severe migraines for weeks, been so irritable to the point where I've isolated myself for days, my hair has fallen out...but not once have I sweat drops of blood. I’ve heard cases of people who struggle with anxiety so much that they can’t even leave their home - but none of those cases involved sweating drops of blood. 

Jesus knew what was coming. He knew what He was soon going to go through - and it "overwhelmed" Him "with sorrow to the point of death." 

Yet putting aside every overwhelming feeling and denying Himself, He prayed for God's will. 

There's a part of me that wants to know exactly what Christ was feeling that night. To feel, even for one second, the amount of stress and sorrow that was overwhelming Him. To know His exact thoughts and struggles - maybe then I would better understand just how great a sacrifice it was for Him. 

We've heard and read the story of Christ's crucifixion and the moments leading up to it hundreds of times. 

We've heard His prayer in Gethsemane on countless occasions. We know how it goes - or at least we think we do... 

What about the earlier years of His life? Did He always think about who He was and what was to come? Even when He was a child? What child do you know would hear of pain to come and run to it rather than from it? 

I’ve heard the song Garden by NEEDTOBREATHE probably a hundred times - but it wasn't until I had heard it probably 50 times that I realized just what it was talking about…

Won't you take this cup from me 

Cause fear has stolen all my sleep 

If tomorrow means my death 

I pray you'll save their souls with it 

Let the songs I sing 

Bring joy to you 

Let the words I say profess my love 

Let the notes I choose 

Be your favorite tune 

Father let my heart be after you 

In this hour of doubt I see 

But who I am is not just me 

So give me strength to die myself 

So love can live to tell the tale 

Let the songs I sing 

Bring joy to you 

Let the words I say profess my love 

Let the notes I choose 

Be your favorite tune 

Father let my heart be after you 

Father let my heart be... 

For you 

Let the songs I sing 

Bring joy to you 

Let the words I say profess my love 

Let the notes I choose 

Be your favorite tune 

Father let my heart be after you 

What if Jesus had changed His mind that night in the garden? What if His prayer in Gethsemane went differently - maybe a little closer to the outcome we deserve... "All of these people I am about to die for are hopeless. I've walked the earth for years with them and they have watched me do miracles day after day and yet they still betray me. I'm not giving my life for them. They deserve nothing but every horrible punishment that comes their way. They deserve Hell."

But He wanted to obey God and save us more than He wanted to save Himself... 

Christ prays for God’s will for us…and all the while we are sleeping…

And through our actions of disobedience we continue to tell Him that all that He went through - all of His suffering and what He did wasn't enough - that He wasn't enough.

Sometimes, remembering what He did for me isn't the problem - It’s realizing what it meant. And not allowing myself to forget…

Let faith arise in spite of 

what I see Lord I believe

But help my unbelief 

I choose to trust You

No matter what I feel, let faith arise

Let faith arise

For my champion's not dead, He is alive! 

Oh, and He already knows my every need 

Surely He will come and rescue me

God of miracles come

We need Your supernatural 

love to break through

Nothing's impossible

You're the God of miracles

Let faith arise and see the kingdom come

I lift my eyes, oh

for the battle has been won

My God is faithful, oh 

and every single word

He said is true, oh

This world is shaking

but You cannot be shaken

My heart is breaking 

but I'm not broken yet

Your love is fearless 

Help me to be courageous too

Oh there is nothing impossible

For the God of miracles 

We need Your supernatural love

To break through, nothing's impossible

You're the God of miracles 

God of Miracles – Chris McClarney

a child or a king?

"For even his own brothers did not believe in him." - John 7:5

You know that song by Joy Williams, "Wish"? If you haven't heard it, it's definitely worth a listen. Her voice is insane - thought I do prefer her Civil Wars days...but who doesn't - anyways - It's not a good song because of her insane vocals...she talks about how she wishes she could have been there when Jesus walked the earth. The imagery the song paints is beautiful. I love how the words make Him so real and paint Him as a human - someone that I can relate to...

For just a moment I wish I could have been there 

to see your first step 

to hear your very first word 

tell me did you ever fall and scrape your knee 

did you know your wounds would one day heal the world 

For just one moment I wish I could have seen you growing, 

learning the ways of a carpenter's son 

just a little boy gazing at the stars 

did you remember creating every one 

For just one moment I wish I could have been there 

when you left your footprints upon the waves 

to walk along beside you never look away 

just your whisper and the wind and sea obey 

to see you feed the people 

to feel the healing in your touch 

I wish I could have been there

It makes Him so real. I've thought about it thousands of times, what it would be like to have seen Christ walk the earth. And initially it fills me with nothing but excitement. Until the thought comes into my head: Would I know it was Him? Would I believed the things He said and the miracles He did? Would I, with all of my heart, worship who He was as the Son of God? 

To hear you pray in the garden alone 

laying down your will with each tear

to see you walk that lonely road 

willing to die for me 

you took my cross and gave your life 

If one of His own disciples was willing to trade Him in for a few pieces of silver...if those who continued to see His miracles day after day and hear His teachings, were so quick to crucify Him...it makes me wonder what role I would have played in it all. 

Would I have been the one to betray Him with a kiss?

Would I be standing with the crowd mocking Him?

Or would I be kneeling at His cross, weeping?

Would I be trying to stop it all out of fear and love for Him?

Or would I have trusted what He said and had faith that He knew what He was doing and I would see Him again?

Would He have been that crazy demon possessed man who hung out at the market?

Or would He have been my Savior?

Who would He have been to me then?

Who is He to me now?

What would it have taken for me to put my trust in this Man? 

What does it take for me to trust Him now?

I'm not sure seeing Him in the flesh would have persuaded me anymore than the miracles I already do witness over and over again...

“Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.” - 1 Timothy 1:15

Curiouser and curiouser

Tears came to my eyes for the first time in months...many months...the other day. Thursday I believe. I sat there in my car on my lunch with the same heavy feeling that has been lurking in me for quite some time now.

"I just want to be my happy-go-lucky self again..." I prayed to God.

Maybe two tear drops fell...but no more. 

Then when I went back to work and expressed the same thought to a good friend...nothing. Not even one tear.

The thought, or word, hadn't even entered my mind until my mom asked me: "tired or depressed?"

Exhaustion. I had originally thought. But I'm honestly not completely sure. All I wanted to do was sleep the past few weeks. I didn't want to be at work, I didn't want to hang out with my friends. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I'd wake up in the morning to my alarm, wishing I could just go back to sleep...finally tear myself out of bed when it's already too late...go to work and just pray my day went by quickly so I could go home, be alone and go back to sleep.

I had never been like that before. And I honestly hate even admitting that it was the reality I was living just a few days ago...

Usually I need a decent amount of alone time, but only a few days a week - not every single minute of every single day. And usually I love people! I love community and I love my friends and family...but I was in some illusive state where I just wanted to be alone. It's not that I loved being alone...I just preferred it over being around anyone else. I was still miserable when I was alone, but I didn't have to put the effort into acting like I wasn't.

And I was extremely irritable. I wasn't emotional at all - instead I was emotionless. I was just...whatever.

Nothing really excited me. And I had to force myself to act like I cared about certain things and certain people...

I was so tired. But finally, thankfully, by God's grace, I was so tired of it. Tired of being so tired.

So I prayed long and hard for God to show me my heart and why I was so lost.

I don't care if I have to cry myself to sleep every night for the rest of my life. If it means I'm feeling again, I'll do what it takes. Even if I have to feel every hurt and heartache that has ever been mine. No pain compares to the state of numbness.

And like He always does - He answered me.

I have faked having a cold heart towards certain things for so long that it actually came true. I've tried to protect myself in the wrong way by acting like I don’t care, that it was like God finally said "alright dummy. But this is all you from now on - since that's how you seem to want it." 

The problem with having a cold heart towards some things is the frozenness somehow leaks itself into every area of your heart and before you know it - you're Elsa the ice queen. And you've ran away to a far off mountain, built yourself an ice castle to lock yourself in and created a huge ice monster to keep everyone out. The only difference is, you don't have perfect hair and your life is not a musical, you don't even have enough energy or joy or emotion or care to sing in the shower.

For some reason you have instilled the belief in your mind that you can't allow yourself to feel one thing because then you'll feel everything.

You've been so obsessed with faking it like you're okay alone, that you finally do evolve (or digress) to this state of autopilot where every day that’s what you make yourself to be - all alone.

I thought my denial of the things I wanted was me protecting myself. A sign of strength. When in actuality, I think it was a major offense to God. Telling Him, "who cares if one day you have something incredible for me. I'm much safer and better where I am now." I’d mock His future gifts while throwing His present ones back in His face by saying He couldn’t do any better.

"If we give way to self-pity and indulge in the luxury of misery, we remove Gods riches from our lives and hinder others from entering into His provision.” - Oswald Chambers

I masked my self-pity with flippancy and what I had originally intended to be my safe haven, slowly and powerfully turned into my battleground. A battleground filled with my own sin and neglect. A desolate, burned down field, created by all of the fire I had fueled in myself. I had become my own enemy.

I wasn't just removing His riches from my own life - but from others lives as well.

Have you ever been around someone who is so negative that you can actually feel their poor attitude start to wear on you? For once in my life, I had allowed myself to become this person. Because of fear and insecurity I removed my faith and eyes from the throne of God - telling Him He wasn't doing things right, and I started down the path of self-destruction.

The honest truth is that I had lost my "happy-go-lucky" self not because of anything other than than the fact that I had suppressed her. She believes and feels things that require hope and selflessness. She sees possibility where others see statistics. She sees potential where others see failure. She believes there is something greater out there - greater than anything anyone has ever known. Because she has to. She was created that way. For whatever reason, she was thread with beliefs and convictions that point her to things that others may see as foolish and naive.

She hopes all things in God.

She believes all things in God.

She might fall at times but when she hears the whispers of ridicule towards her, she stands back up, holds her head high, tightens her grip on God's hand and presses on.

I don't care if I believe in the impossible by the worlds standard. The only thing I care about is whatever truth God has given me - no matter how impossible or crazy others might think it is. I just want God. 

“To the faithful you show yourself faithful, to the blameless you show yourself blameless, to the pure you show yourself pure, but to the devious you show yourself shrewd. You save the humble but bring low those whose eyes are haughty. You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall.” Psalm 18:25-29


“If we are 'out of our mind,' as some say, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you.”
- 2 Corinthians 5:13

God please - let me be nothing other than out of my mind...





"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."