Mile Markers

This time of year makes me feel so reminiscent…

Halloween is my absolute favorite time of the year…I’m not sure if I could tell you why exactly – I think it's just because I love fall so much. And I like carving pumpkins and watching cute scary movies and baking pumpkin seeds and dressing up and just spending time with friends and family…

But I can’t help but think about how Christmas is almost here and then soon after that will be New Years.

Another year will have come and gone…

I was reading in my journal tonight, an entry that I had written July 12 of last year. I had just gotten a new journal and it was my first entry in it…Something fairly emotional was going on in my life at that time and I wrote in the entry, “I’d like to promise myself less drama for this journal, but I don’t know if that’s possible…” when I read that – I just had to laugh…because there definitely has been no less drama in this journal than there was in the one before it…but I don’t really mind…because that’s life.

Reading that served as a reminder…that life may have its downs…but it ALWAYS gets better.

Time passes…feelings change…hearts heal…life goes on.

I could tell you what I was doing exactly one year ago from tomorrow night…I could…but I wont.

But what it was – it marked the beginning of something pretty great.

Something that would take me on an adventure. Something that would teach me things that I never knew I needed to learn. Something that changed me in so many ways. But also something that would break me in a way completely unexpected.

Reading that entry from last July was nostalgic. But in a good way. I was hurting – but I was strong. God gave me so much strength during that time. He gave me His discernment and direction. I knew that what was going on in my life was happening for a reason – I can only remember one other time in my life that I lived with such purpose and drive. I clearly knew the right moves from the wrong…I have no other word to describe it other than that it was beautiful.

It would be best if you did not try to read too much into this entry…I am more just writing it for myself…but while you’re here, hopefully you are able to find some encouragement…

Encouragement in the fact that life is unpredictable. It can leave you with the greatest feeling in the world – or the worst.

But God – He always has the best in mind for His children. And when He allows trials into your life, He will ALWAYS be right there to help you through them.

I read once that if you pray for Gods strength, then He will give it to you at the EXACT moment you need it – Not any sooner than that moment and not any later. And I have seen that truth replayed over and over again in my life.

When I pray to God – I always feel peace knowing that He will provide…it is just remembering that it will all be provided in His perfect timing that can be tricky.

So as this year finishes off…whatever happens – I know that God is controlling it all…and there is always something to be learned.

I think one of the most exciting things with God is that you really do NEVER know what is going to happen. Life can be going along as usual one day and then the next it can be COMPLETELY different – filled with events you could have never even imagined. All it takes is one little thing and your world can be turned upside-down…

How exciting…

Oh How He Loves Us...

Justification by Faith

If when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life —Romans 5:10

I am not saved by believing— I simply realize I am saved by believing. And it is not repentance that saves me— repentance is only the sign that I realize what God has done through Christ Jesus. The danger here is putting the emphasis on the effect, instead of on the cause. Is it my obedience, consecration, and dedication that make me right with God? It is never that! I am made right with God because, prior to all of that, Christ died. When I turn to God and by belief accept what God reveals, the miraculous atonement by the Cross of Christ instantly places me into a right relationship with God. And as a result of the supernatural miracle of God’s grace I stand justified, not because I am sorry for my sin, or because I have repented, but because of what Jesus has done. The Spirit of God brings justification with a shattering, radiant light, and I know that I am saved, even though I don’t know how it was accomplished.

The salvation that comes from God is not based on human logic, but on the sacrificial death of Jesus. We can be born again solely because of the atonement of our Lord. Sinful men and women can be changed into new creations, not through their repentance or their belief, but through the wonderful work of God in Christ Jesus which preceded all of our experience (see 2 Corinthians 5:17-19). The unconquerable safety of justification and sanctification is God Himself. We do not have to accomplish these things ourselves— they have been accomplished through the atonement of the Cross of Christ. The supernatural becomes natural to us through the miracle of God, and there is the realization of what Jesus Christ has already done— “It is finished!” (John 19:30).

- My Utmost For His Highest

Which comes first – Christ melting and changing our hearts…or our repentance?

The former. After that…the two are a continuous cycle.

When I first came to Christ…it was not because I, being a sinner so happy in my sin, decided to all of a sudden change. It was Christ who broke me down and placed the hopeless pit of dissatisfaction and disgust with my sin inside of me – causing me to turn to Him.

And when I come to Him throughout the day…it is never because I think of it…but each and every time I pray or sit down to read His word or feel a conviction on my heart…it is always because He has FIRST come to me and He has called me to come to Him. He has placed that conviction there.

If you think about it…every story we hear of someone being changed and coming to Christ…the people are not changed because they just all of a sudden decided they were going to live differently. It was not THEM who just happened to have the initial thought of repenting and taking the genuine step to turn their life around…it was Christ who FIRST melted their heart and placed the desire to make these decisions in them. And it is Christ who continually works in their life from day to day to make them a better person.

It is Christ who continually changes my heart more and more each and every day, and it was Christ in the very beginning.

“The danger here is putting the emphasis on the effect, instead of on the cause. Is it my obedience, consecration, and dedication that make me right with God? It is never that! I am made right with God because, prior to all of that, Christ died.”

If it took me finally turning to Christ and repenting and obeying Him for Him to come to me and forgive me and place His heart in me…I would never change. I would never repent and obey Him…because that would mean that I would have to come to Christ on my own. And without the conviction and calling of Christ – I would never feel convicted or be called.

So those days that I feel are just so hectic and non-stop…finally when I lay my head down at night and think about how I did not once open my Bible and hardly took time to pray throughout the day…and when I just feel tired and all I want to do is go to sleep…and I can’t help but think about how “being a Christian” and being constantly in the Word of God can be hard work…and when I feel that desire inside of me to sit up – open my Bible – and just spend time getting to know Him…I can rest peacefully knowing that it is HIM calling me…and not me who holds onto Him.

“We are acceptable to God not because we have obeyed, nor because we have promised to give up things, but because of the death of Christ, and for no other reason.”

- My Utmost For His Highest

I will NEVER be good enough for Christ – that is why He sent a sacrifice so pure and great to take my place, so I don’t have to try to be.

We love Him because He FIRST loved us.

Our pride vs. His plan

As someone who ALWAYS likes to stay busy – it can be difficult to tell the difference between when I just genuinely have a busy schedule that I cannot avoid…from when I am purposely placing things in my life to keep me busy because I am avoiding different things.

I always seem to be looking to what is next in my life, instead of just living in the moment.

Which, it’s good to be excited about what God is doing in my life and how blessed I am do be able to be doing all of these things! But I have a tendency to turn some things in my life into the purpose of being a distraction rather than being something that I really do have to or should or even want to do.

And it’s not long before I start to feel overwhelmed and trapped…and I know that it’s time that I let God put me all back together, before I take another step.

I’ve met people before who have been running from pain in their life for so long that they have turned numb to every feeling.

I’m not talking about those times when something devastating or tragic happens in your life and you shut off your emotions for some time because the pain is just too much. I have definitely been there. But in this situation, with time…and a healthy attitude…you do start to allow that pain and hurt and emotion in again and some time after that, you heal, and you grow.

I’m talking about those people that have been hurting all of their lives and they have just become so numb to it that it is second nature to them to shut off emotions when things start to get messy.

The people who just keep running and keep looking for distraction after distraction. They move from one place to the next, one person to the next, one goal to the next, one desire to the next, one fantasy to the next, one illusion to the next…one lie to the next.

They don’t want to heal. They don’t want to grow. They don’t want to move on. They don’t want to be stronger. They don’t want to be healthy.

They don’t want accountability – and they don’t want correction.

They just want to do whatever they want to do and feed into their false belief that as long as they stay busy and ignore who they really are, it will all just go away.

Before you start thinking that I am feeling all “holier than thou”, please don’t.

Not only have I been the first person that I spoke of…I have also been this person.

So I know how they feel. I know how hurt and how lost and how scared and how broken they are.

In this life – pain is inevitable. But what are you going to do with that?

Are you going to keep looking for new distractions and new ways to block the hurt and pain out of your life? Are you going to keep following your impulses and distracting yourself from what is REALLY going on inside of you?

Or are you going to take time and allow yourself to go through the motions and allow yourself to actually FEEL what you actually FEEL – so that you are able to grow and heal and become better and stronger?

It took me along time to realize that my constant search for something better, would always lead to my constant discovery of disappointment.

It took me a long time to realize that ALL I need is the love that GOD has for me, and that using others to build you up is destructive. It destroys you, the person that you are using, and the purpose of relationships. God gives us other people so what we can be GENUINE with them and glorify Him through our pure, true relationships with them. Not so we can distract ourselves from how impure and un-true we are.

Do I want people to like me – more than I want to be ME and be true to WHO I am and WHAT I am feeling?

We let our impulses corrupt our judgment and our God-given sense.

We want to run from everything in our lives that God wants to heal.

All because we are afraid.

Sympathetic people would say that we are afraid to hurt and to feel and that we are afraid to have to open that HUGE room packed full of all of our past hurts and offenses that we have spent so much time running from.

But if I’m being honest…

I think we’re afraid to HEAL. Yeah – of course we’re afraid of facing all the hurt in our lives…that’s completely normal – no one wants to hurt. But if we know that that it what’s best for us – and taking time to allow that to happen is what is best for us and yet we STILL choose to continue to run and fill our lives with distractions…then we’re choosing NOT to heal…

We’re choosing to run further and further from being healthy and from growing.

And we think we’ve got the routine down stat. And we think we know what we are doing…

But there is a light at the end of this volatile tunnel…

And whether we like it or not at the moment, eventually – if we’re a child of God – His plan for us will grab us by the coattail, turn us around, and lead us right where He wants us – to a place of discipline. Realization. Sorrow. Mercy. Remorse. Forgiveness. Peace. Joy. Acceptance. Comfort. Healing. Growth…

And He makes us new. And clean. And we realize that He was there all along…wanting nothing more than to show us His love.

It’s funny how we still think that we’re in control some times…

And how for some CRAZY reason – we sometimes think that our plan is better than God’s.

But thankfully He loves us enough to prove us wrong and guide us to what really is best for us…

And no matter how difficult it my be at the time – I just keep reminding myself of three things:

* God is in control

* He loves me

* And He NEVER makes mistakes - He knows what He is doing

The Greatest Pinky Swear.

Something that I struggle with CONSTANTLY in my walk with God is the fear that I am not being genuine.

I can pray day and night that Christ makes me a light for Him and that others unavoidably see Him when they look at me – but why do I want that?

What is the REAL reason I want to be a light for God?

Is it because I TRULY love HIM and ONLY HIM and I want to just live my life as much like Him as possible?

If this is what it is…then why do I care how OTHERS see me when they look at me?

This isn’t just a daily struggle for me – it is a moment-by-moment, constant battle for me.

Just when I think I am pure of heart…- As I was writing in my journal tonight…there it was again:

“Please God - Just help me to be genuine in everything that I ask and do.”

My pleads drip with desperation…and hope.

What does a genuine person look like?

Dictionary.com defines genuine as:

“Free from pretense, affectation, or hypocrisy; sincere”

So…free from fabrication, deception, artificiality, insincerity…

Someone who is honest, truthful, heartfelt, authentic, trustworthy…

As much as I despise this fact…I am human. And until I die – I will remain to be. But I want to be the BEST human that I can be…I want to be honest and truthful and heartfelt and authentic and trustworthy…I want to be genuine!

I want to ask God for His blessings and not have an ulterior motive in my mind…not just because it is incredibly ridiculous to think that I can hide such a thing from God and deceive Him…but because I genuinely want to be genuine!

When I laugh with people – I want to mean it.

When I forgive people – I want both them and me to feel it!

When I love people – I want them to be secure in it!

And when I say that I am happy for people and want the best for them…I want to live by it.

And when I pray for God’s blessings and love and joy and peace…I want it to be because I love Him with a PURE heart and want anything and everything that will only bring me closer to Him.

And when I do something Christ-like…I don’t want it to be because I want others to look at me and think about how “great” I am…but I want to do it just simply because it is what comes natural to me…and because Christ has changed me so much that there really is no other option for me…it is just what I am compelled to do – because of His grace.

I don’t understand how Pastors can do it. How they can live a life so consumed with Christ and be these leaders that stand in front of the congregation day after day proclaiming all of the knowledge that God has given them…and not develop prideful and arrogant attitudes…I am sure some pastors do – because after all – they are still human too…but the ones who remain humble and selfless…only God can sustain such an attitude…

I was reading tonight in the book of Isaiah…chapter 58 is God talking to Isaiah about fasting in a way that pleases Him…I would love to write out the whole chapter for you…but I will try to break it down…

Ugh…alright…I can’t…it’s all so good…so you’ll just have to deal with it!

“Cry aloud, spare not;
Lift up your voice like a trumpet;
Tell My people their transgression,
And the house of Jacob their sins.

Yet they seek Me daily,
And delight to know My ways,
As a nation that did righteousness,
And did not forsake the ordinance of their God.
They ask of Me the ordinances of justice;
They take delight in approaching God.

‘Why have we fasted,’ they say, ‘and You have not seen?
Why have we afflicted our souls, and You take no notice?’

“In fact, in the day of your fast you find pleasure,
And exploit all your laborers.

Indeed you fast for strife and debate,
And to strike with the fist of wickedness.
You will not fast as you do this day,
To make your voice heard on high.

Is it a fast that I have chosen,
A day for a man to afflict his soul?
Is it to bow down his head like a bulrush,
And to spread out sackcloth and ashes?
Would you call this a fast,
And an acceptable day to the Lord?

“Is this not the fast that I have chosen:
To loose the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the heavy burdens,
To let the oppressed go free,
And that you break every yoke?

Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;
When you see the naked, that you cover him,
And not hide yourself from your own flesh?

Then your light shall break forth like the morning,
Your healing shall spring forth speedily,
And your righteousness shall go before you;
The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.

Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer;
You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’

“If you take away the yoke from your midst,
The pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,

If you extend your soul to the hungry
And satisfy the afflicted soul,
Then your light shall dawn in the darkness,
And your darkness shall be as the noonday.

The Lord will guide you continually,
And satisfy your soul in drought,
And strengthen your bones;
You shall be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.

Those from among you
Shall build the old waste places;
You shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
And you shall be called the Repairer of the Breach,
The Restorer of Streets to Dwell In.

“If you turn away your foot from the Sabbath,
From doing your pleasure on My holy day,
And call the Sabbath a delight,
The holy day of the Lord honorable,
And shall honor Him, not doing your own ways,
Nor finding your own pleasure,
Nor speaking your own words,

Then you shall delight yourself in the Lord;
And I will cause you to ride on the high hills of the earth,
And feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father.
The mouth of the Lord has spoken.”

Verses 9-11 are my favorite: “Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer;
You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’ If you take away the yoke from your midst,
The pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness. If you extend your soul to the hungry
And satisfy the afflicted soul,
Then your light shall dawn in the darkness,
And your darkness shall be as the noonday. The Lord will guide you continually,
And satisfy your soul in drought,
And strengthen your bones;
You shall be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.”

God has made SO MANY incredible promises to His children…

And because of His promises – I know that I don’t have to be afraid of becoming someone that I don’t like…I don’t have to worry about being deceitful or un-genuine. Because He has made me new. And each day – He promises me that He won’t give up on me and that He will scrub clean my dirty ol’ heart until the day I die!

Your Love Never Fails

Nothing can separate - Even if I ran away

Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes

But You have new mercies for me everyday

Your love never fails

You stay the same through the age

Your love never changes

There may be pain in the night

But joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage - I don't have to be afraid

Because I know that You love me

Your love never fails

The wind is strong and the water's deep

But I'm not alone here in these open seas

Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide -
I never thought I'd reach the other side

But Your love never fails

You make all things work together for my good