Something
that I struggle with CONSTANTLY in my walk with God is the fear that I am not
being genuine.
I can pray
day and night that Christ makes me a light for Him and that others unavoidably
see Him when they look at me – but why do I want that?
What is the
REAL reason I want to be a light for God?
Is it
because I TRULY love HIM and ONLY HIM and I want to just live my life as much
like Him as possible?
If this is
what it is…then why do I care how OTHERS see me when they look at me?
This isn’t
just a daily struggle for me – it is a moment-by-moment, constant battle for
me.
Just when I
think I am pure of heart…- As I was writing in my journal tonight…there it was
again:
“Please God
- Just help me to be genuine in everything that I ask and do.”
My pleads
drip with desperation…and hope.
What does a
genuine person look like?
Dictionary.com
defines genuine as:
“Free from pretense, affectation, or
hypocrisy; sincere”
So…free from
fabrication, deception, artificiality, insincerity…
Someone who
is honest, truthful, heartfelt, authentic, trustworthy…
As much as I
despise this fact…I am human. And until I die – I will remain to be. But I want
to be the BEST human that I can be…I want to be honest and truthful and
heartfelt and authentic and trustworthy…I want to be genuine!
I want to
ask God for His blessings and not have an ulterior motive in my mind…not just
because it is incredibly ridiculous to think that I can hide such a thing from
God and deceive Him…but because I genuinely want to be genuine!
When I laugh
with people – I want to mean it.
When I
forgive people – I want both them and me to feel it!
When I love
people – I want them to be secure in it!
And when I
say that I am happy for people and want the best for them…I want to live by it.
And when I
pray for God’s blessings and love and joy and peace…I want it to be because I
love Him with a PURE heart and want anything and everything that will only
bring me closer to Him.
And when I
do something Christ-like…I don’t want it to be because I want others to look at
me and think about how “great” I am…but I want to do it just simply because it
is what comes natural to me…and because Christ has changed me so much that
there really is no other option for me…it is just what I am compelled to do –
because of His grace.
I don’t
understand how Pastors can do it. How they can live a life so consumed with
Christ and be these leaders that stand in front of the congregation day after
day proclaiming all of the knowledge that God has given them…and not develop
prideful and arrogant attitudes…I am sure some pastors do – because after all –
they are still human too…but the ones who remain humble and selfless…only God
can sustain such an attitude…
I was
reading tonight in the book of Isaiah…chapter 58 is God talking to Isaiah about
fasting in a way that pleases Him…I would love to write out the whole chapter
for you…but I will try to break it down…
Ugh…alright…I
can’t…it’s all so good…so you’ll just have to deal with it!
“Cry aloud, spare not;
Lift up your voice like a
trumpet;
Tell My people their transgression,
And the house of Jacob their sins.
Yet they seek Me daily,
And delight to know My
ways,
As a nation that did righteousness,
And did not forsake the ordinance of
their God.
They ask of Me the ordinances of justice;
They take delight in
approaching God.
‘Why have we fasted,’ they say, ‘and You
have not seen?
Why have we afflicted our souls, and You take no notice?’
“In fact, in the day of your fast you find
pleasure,
And exploit all your laborers.
Indeed you fast for strife and debate,
And to
strike with the fist of wickedness.
You will not fast as you do this
day,
To make your voice heard on high.
Is it a fast that I have chosen,
A day for a man
to afflict his soul?
Is it to bow down his head like a bulrush,
And to
spread out sackcloth and ashes?
Would you call this a fast,
And an acceptable
day to the Lord?
“Is this not the fast that I have
chosen:
To loose the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the heavy burdens,
To let the
oppressed go free,
And that you break every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
And
that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;
When you see the naked,
that you cover him,
And not hide yourself from your own flesh?
Then your light shall break forth like the
morning,
Your healing shall spring forth speedily,
And your righteousness shall
go before you;
The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.
Then you shall call, and the Lord will
answer;
You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’
“If you take away the yoke from your midst,
The
pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,
If you extend your soul to the hungry
And satisfy
the afflicted soul,
Then your light shall dawn in the darkness,
And your
darkness shall be as the noonday.
The Lord will guide you continually,
And satisfy
your soul in drought,
And strengthen your bones;
You shall be like a watered
garden,
And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.
Those from among you
Shall build the old waste
places;
You shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
And you shall
be called the Repairer of the Breach,
The Restorer of Streets to Dwell In.
“If you turn away your foot from the Sabbath,
From
doing your pleasure on My holy day,
And call the Sabbath a delight,
The holy day
of the Lord honorable,
And shall honor Him, not doing your own ways,
Nor
finding your own pleasure,
Nor speaking your own words,
Then you shall
delight yourself in the Lord;
And I will cause you to ride on the high hills of
the earth,
And feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father.
The mouth of
the Lord has spoken.”
Verses 9-11
are my favorite: “Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer;
You shall cry, and He
will say, ‘Here I am.’
If you take away the yoke from your midst,
The pointing of the finger, and
speaking wickedness. If you extend your
soul to the hungry
And satisfy the afflicted soul,
Then your light shall dawn
in the darkness,
And your darkness shall be as the noonday. The Lord will
guide you continually,
And satisfy your soul in
drought,
And strengthen your bones;
You
shall be like a watered garden,
And like
a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.”
God has made SO MANY incredible promises to His children…
And because of His promises – I know that I don’t have to be afraid of
becoming someone that I don’t like…I don’t have to worry about being deceitful
or un-genuine. Because He has made me new. And each day – He promises me that
He won’t give up on me and that He will scrub clean my dirty ol’ heart until
the day I die!
Your Love Never
Fails
Nothing can
separate - Even if I ran away
Your love never
fails
I know I still
make mistakes
But You have new
mercies for me everyday
Your love never
fails
You stay the same
through the age
Your love never
changes
There may be pain
in the night
But joy comes in
the morning
And when the
oceans rage - I don't have to be afraid
Because I know
that You love me
Your love never
fails
The wind is strong
and the water's deep
But I'm not alone
here in these open seas
Cause Your love
never fails
The chasm is far
too wide -
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love
never fails
You make all
things work together for my good
