Where have I been the past few months…?
Good question…
I have been all over the place.
I have been losing myself and gaining myself.
I have been trying and failing and growing
and conquering.
I have been learning so many things…good…and
bad…
I have been surprising myself in good ways
and bad…
It’s scary how easily I forget where I came
from.
It’s scary how easily I allow my current
situations grab ahold of me and make me believe something that is completely
untrue.
Sometimes I allow myself to get in situations
that lead me to believe that I have no idea who I am.
But HE always brings me back.
It’s scary how the way one person can treat
us, has the power to build or break us.
It’s frightening how one person can tear
someone to their core and make them believe they have to settle. Or that what they are offering is what they deserve
for the rest of their lives.
It’s scary how much hurt people have the ability to hurt people.
And it is terrifying how much unhealthy
people learn to put on a seemingly healthy mask…they aren’t able to wear it for
long of course…only long enough to pull someone in.
But I wont allow my mistakes to break me.
Instead of looking at it as a step back – I choose to see it as a growing
experience.
And I
will forgive. Because He forgives me every day. and because forgiving is
healing. And not forgiving – is a plague that suffocates us.
I choose to not be overtaken by anger or
sadness.
Instead I will remember that there are much greater things in the world than
myself.
I have purpose. Purpose
that not even I can run from.
Every time I start to hurt – I will think of
the children I see every day who come from unhealthy home-lives. The ones who have no choice in their
situation. The ones who know more hurt than I could ever imagine.
And I will look at my attempts as victory –
because without attempts – my life would be at a stand still. And if I had
never took a chance – I would have never known that I can love again. Not only that – I would have never known that I am
capable of putting someone else before myself. And I am capable of a (halfway)
decent and healthy relationship.
I may have taken a step-backwards in the eyes
of the world – but in my eyes – I conquered more than I could have ever dreamed
possible.
I may have failed. But I dared greatly in doing
so.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points
out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done
them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose
face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs,
who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and
shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great
enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at
the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the
worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place
shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor
defeat.”
-
Theodore Roosevelt
“There’s no equation where taking risks,
braving uncertainty, and opening ourselves up to emotional exposure equals
weakness…vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.”
– Brene Brown
