“Guard your steps as you go to the house of
God and draw near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools; for
they do not know they are doing evil. Do not be hasty in word or impulsive in
thought to bring up a matter in the presence of God. For God is in heaven and
you are on the earth; therefore let your words be few.” - Ecclesiastes 5: 1-2
I guess we have known each other for quite
some time now, right?
I mean, we have been building this
relationship quite nicely I think…
You care about my thoughts and struggles
obviously – so I think I can trust you…
So I can (to an extent) kind of explain why I
have been struggling so much lately with all of the things I have been writing
about…
I mean – this is the internet…and they don’t
call it the WORLD WIDE web for nothing…so of course I will have to be vague…
But there has been a certain situation going
on that has really been tearing me down – emotionally and physically…and it has
made more of my days really unenjoyable (that’s a word.)
It’s a sticky situation really…something that
I really have choose wisely on how I handle it…because it’s definitely not
something that I can avoid or overlook…because I am constantly around it and I see
how it affects myself and plenty of others as well…
And I have had so much anxiety over it. And I
hate it.
I have been on vacation off and on for the
past 6 weeks though so I have been able to avoid it for long enough – but I know
I can’t push it off anymore. And today I started thinking about it again and
yet again – I was becoming overwhelmed with dread and anxiety.
I started thinking things I didn’t think I would
ever think…and I started having feelings that I really didn’t think I would be
feeling…or at least not anytime soon…And I think for the most part I felt
really bad about it all. I felt like it didn’t make sense that I was feeling
this way – and that I had to force myself to be happy – or at least look like I was happy...
But that’s not me.
I’ve always had a difficult (and miserable)
time pretending to be something I am not.
And pretending to feel things I don’t.
This past week I was in Seattle – and yesterday
while on the plane home I was reading in the book of Ecclesiastes. I love Ecclesiastes
because Solomon is so straight forward. I mean…not that other writers aren’t –
but it’s like when people complain about how the Old Testament is “not relevant”
to today…I dare them to read Ecclesiastes. It may read like an Old Testament
book – but its truths are timeless.
“Guard your steps as you go to the house of
God and draw near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools; for
they do not know they are doing evil. Do not be hasty in word or impulsive in
thought to bring up a matter in the presence of God. For God is in heaven and
you are on the earth; therefore let your words be few.” – Ecclesiastes 5:1-2
I am finally
getting around to reading the book “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan. It was all the
rage when I was in college – so of course I opted not to read it…because why
read a book that everyone else is reading – no matter how good everyone says it is…right? Haha – kidding.
But the friend I went to visit in Seattle
encouraged me to read it – so I bought it on Amazon while I was in Seattle and
came home last night to the book (along with another book I purchased) sitting
on my front porch. (Actually…that’s a lie – it was on the kitchen table because
my mom had already brought it in from the front porch…but “front porch” sounded
cooler…even though it’s not actually a porch…but…anywho…)
So I came home to it sitting on the kitchen table – and opened it right away
and began reading. And guess what the first chapter had in store for me?
References to Solomon’s writings in the book
of Ecclesiastes…
Huh…
“Solomon warned us not to rush into God’s presence with words.
That’s what fools do. And often, that’s what we do.” – Crazy Love p.27
It’s almost as if God is trying to get a
point across to me…
So I sat there. On my bed. Not talking at God…or even to God…but instead, I did what I rarely ever do – I just sat there.
And I waited – and I listened…
Ecclesiastes 3 states that there is a time
for everything and that “He has made everything appropriate in its time.” (v. 11)
I think I tend to forget this.
I think – if God has brought me to a place –
He wants to keep me there forever.
When that is not true at all.
And I feel guilty when I start to feel like I
am supposed to be somewhere other than where I am…
When in
reality that could very well possibly be God trying to get ahold of my
attention to tell me to keep my eyes open for what He has next.
So I sat there – on my bed – listening. Then I
moved to the living room couch and sat there – listening.
Then I cried.
I need to face reality. And not someone else’s reality – not even my own reality –
but God’s reality.
He does whatever He pleases.
He can decide to have me one place one minute
and one the next. And I have no right
to question Him.
I am only called to obey.
Listen – and obey.
Every time I have had bad anxiety in my life
it has only caused me to allow myself to become distracted and start spilling
out demands from God – when in reality
– I should just be listening to what He is trying to tell me.
I just need to sit in His presence and
listen.
Because I am only a fool who is “hasty in
word” and “impulsive in thought to bring up a matter in the presence of God.” I
sit here just telling God how I feel
so much of the time when “God is in heaven and [I am here] on the earth” and my
words should be few – and my heart should be open for what God has to say.
