As someone who ALWAYS likes to stay busy – it
can be difficult to tell the difference between when I just genuinely have a
busy schedule that I cannot avoid…from when I am purposely placing things in my
life to keep me busy because I am avoiding different things.
I always seem to be looking to what is next in my life, instead of just living
in the moment.
Which, it’s good to be excited about what God
is doing in my life and how blessed I am do be able to be doing all of these
things! But I have a tendency to turn some things in my life into the purpose
of being a distraction rather than being
something that I really do have to or
should or even want to do.
And it’s not long before I start to feel
overwhelmed and trapped…and I know that it’s time that I let God put me all
back together, before I take another step.
I’ve met people before who have been running
from pain in their life for so long that they have turned numb to every
feeling.
I’m not talking about those times when something
devastating or tragic happens in your life and you shut off your emotions for
some time because the pain is just too much. I have definitely been there. But
in this situation, with time…and a healthy attitude…you do start to allow that
pain and hurt and emotion in again and some time after that, you heal, and you
grow.
I’m talking about those people that have been
hurting all of their lives and they have just become so numb to it that it is
second nature to them to shut off emotions when things start to get messy.
The people who just keep running and keep
looking for distraction after distraction. They move from one place to the next,
one person to the next, one goal to the next, one desire to the next, one
fantasy to the next, one illusion to the next…one lie to the next.
They don’t want to heal. They don’t want to
grow. They don’t want to move on. They don’t want to be stronger. They don’t
want to be healthy.
They don’t want accountability – and they
don’t want correction.
They just want to do whatever they want to do
and feed into their false belief that as long as they stay busy and ignore who
they really are, it will all just go away.
Before you start thinking that I am feeling
all “holier than thou”, please don’t.
Not only have I been the first person that I
spoke of…I have also been this person.
So I know how they feel. I know how hurt and
how lost and how scared and how broken they are.
In this life – pain is inevitable. But what
are you going to do with that?
Are you going to keep looking for new
distractions and new ways to block the hurt and pain out of your life? Are you
going to keep following your impulses and distracting yourself from what is
REALLY going on inside of you?
Or are you going to take time and allow
yourself to go through the motions and allow yourself to actually FEEL what you
actually FEEL – so that you are able to grow and heal and become better and
stronger?
It took me along time to realize that my
constant search for something better, would always lead to my constant
discovery of disappointment.
It took me a long time to realize that ALL I
need is the love that GOD has for me, and that using others to build you up is
destructive. It destroys you, the person that you are using, and the purpose of
relationships. God gives us other people so what we can be GENUINE with them
and glorify Him through our pure, true relationships with them. Not so we can distract
ourselves from how impure and un-true we are.
Do I want people to like me – more than I
want to be ME and be true to WHO I am and WHAT I am feeling?
We let our impulses corrupt our judgment and
our God-given sense.
We want to run from everything in our lives
that God wants to heal.
All because we are afraid.
Sympathetic people would say that we are
afraid to hurt and to feel and that we are afraid to have to open that HUGE
room packed full of all of our past hurts and offenses that we have spent so
much time running from.
But if I’m being honest…
I think we’re afraid to HEAL. Yeah – of
course we’re afraid of facing all the hurt in our lives…that’s completely
normal – no one wants to hurt. But if we know that that it what’s best for us –
and taking time to allow that to happen is what is best for us and yet we STILL
choose to continue to run and fill our lives with distractions…then we’re
choosing NOT to heal…
We’re choosing to run further and further
from being healthy and from growing.
And we think we’ve got the routine down stat.
And we think we know what we are doing…
But there is a light at the end of this volatile
tunnel…
And whether we like it or not at the moment,
eventually – if we’re a child of God – His plan for us will grab us by the coattail,
turn us around, and lead us right where He wants us – to a place of discipline.
Realization. Sorrow. Mercy. Remorse. Forgiveness. Peace. Joy. Acceptance. Comfort.
Healing. Growth…
And He makes us new. And clean. And we
realize that He was there all along…wanting nothing more than to show us His
love.
It’s funny how we still think that we’re in
control some times…
And how for some CRAZY reason – we sometimes think that our plan is better than God’s.
And how for some CRAZY reason – we sometimes think that our plan is better than God’s.
But thankfully He loves us enough to prove us
wrong and guide us to what really is best for us…
And no matter how difficult it my be at the
time – I just keep reminding myself of three things:
* God is in control
* He loves me
* And He NEVER makes
mistakes - He knows what He is doing
