The last
month has been pretty hectic for me…and yet here I am, sitting on my bathroom
counter taking a few minutes to write this little note…while I should be
packing for my trip to Alaska instead…but I’m just pulling a typical “Michal” move
and procrastinating…
My mind has
been everywhere lately…places where I don’t even know…all I do know is that it
has been keeping me up at night and in these last few days, my body has
seriously been paying the price! I feel awful lately…I had the house to myself
all last week and had so much to do, yet all I had the strength to do was just
lay on the couch watching movies…which, I’ll be honest…was kind of nice being
able to relax and catch up on some movies I had been wanting to see…
But at the
same time, I know there were others things I could have been doing…or should
have been doing.
I am such a
funny person. Everything about me is contradicting. I am either waiting until
the last minute or jumping the gun! I need some more consistency in my life!
One of my
cousins and I kind of “got into it” a few weeks ago…he’s not a Christian, and
he was basically telling me how annoying Christians are for always talking
about God. And at first, part of me just laughed it off…like “Oh if I were
telling you that I was getting wasted every weekend, you would praise that
news, but when I say how much I love Jesus, I’m suddenly being offensive and
shoving my views down your throat…?” Sometimes people don’t make sense to me…but
then he said something that was incredibly offensive to me…that I really don’t
even have the desire to repeat, or ever think of again!
At first I
was so caught of guard at how horrible this thing was that he had said. I was
completely shocked and utterly offended.
But then I
just thought about it for awhile…and I just grew sad for him. And the more I
think about it now…the more and more sad I become…
How could
someone be so bitter? Someone that I am related to! How could someone be so
turned off towards God that it makes him feel this way…? What extensive hurt
does life have to deal to someone to make them this way…We come from the same
family and yet we are ENTIRELY different people…
I’ll give
him the benefit of the doubt and be honest with that, yes, he has gone through
some pretty tough things, that I know of. But how much more has he gone through
to make him this way that I don’t know of…
Like I said
before…sometimes people just don’t makes sense to me…at least initially they
don’t…then the more and more I think about it…the more and more they do make
sense…at least from the worlds standpoint.
About a
month and a half ago I was talking to one of my good friends. We were talking
about things I had gone through and all of the unnecessary hurt that I had
allowed into my life. Then, I just started bawling…just because there have been
so many times where I chose whatever the “world” was dealing me instead of what
God wanted for me…I have allowed myself to go through A LOT of unnecessary
pain, and I have been dealt some pain that I really had no choice but to experience...
And if I
didn’t have Christ, then yes Cousin, I completely would understand where you
are coming from.
But thankfully,
I DO have Christ.
My point is
not to bring attention to me and whatever hog-wash I’ve allowed in my life! It
is to bring attention to God!
It is ALL
because of HIM that I am the way that I am now!
“Oh praise
the One who paid MY debt and raised this life up from the dead!”
WHO KNOWS
what my life would be like without Christ! Shoot – I know how horrible I can
make my life and I say I have Christ…just imagine how awful I would be without
Him.
Every time I
start to put myself above others because I feel that I am in someway better
than them because I am “following Christ” I quickly pray that Christ humbles
that thought…and He does. He allows me to remember all of my awful mistakes and
reminds me that He is the ONLY reason that I am different now than from who I
was.
I know where
my life was headed without Christ…and it was no where pretty or good…and had
Christ not saved me, I know for certain I would be among the worst of sinners…
I know none
of this is pulling together…please forgive my scatterbrained writings…(like I
said…I have SERIOUSLY been lacking sleep) but basically…I have been pretty
discouraged the past week or two…discouraged and stressed! About so many
things…
I have been
crazy! I have been tried, drained, insecure, and just…really annoying. And on
top of that, I have been stressed about being stressed and my lack of sleep,
which causes me to have even less sleep! (My vacation is coming at the perfect
time!!!) And when I am tired, that is when my difficult side comes out…and I create
all of these problems and insecurities out of thin air! But really…I sincerely
apologize to any and every person who has had to come in contact with me lately…
But this
morning in my devotional I was just reminded of how it really is not about me. And
as I prayed, all of my worries and insecurities just kind faded away. God has
paved a CLEAN, clear path for me. He is my guide…He has already conquered all
of my fears and doubts and insecurities and all of the things in the world that
I could possibly make a problem out of! I just need to trust Him with where He
is taking me!
Below is a
song that I have had on repeat for a good half of the day…it has been so
encouraging to me…and hopefully it can be to you as well!
You Are
Jesus
By Aaron
Gillespie
It doesn't matter who I was, it doesn't matter where I been
Your grace is all I'm chasing
It doesn't matter when I wake, it doesn't matter when I sleep
Your arms are open for me
I am complete
'Cause You said I could breathe
I am made clean
And to You I will sing
You are Jesus, You are Jesus
You are everything I need
You are holy, I am dirty
And in You, I am made clean
You are Jesus
You gear my brain when it's moving backward
You hear my voice when I'm screaming
You felt my pain so long ago
You paid it all just for me
I am complete
'Cause You said I could breathe
I am made clean
And to You I will sing
You are Jesus, You are Jesus
You are everything I need
You are holy, I am dirty
And in You, I am made clean
You are Jesus
I am complete
'Cause You said I could breathe
I am made clean
And to You I will sing
You are Jesus, You are Jesus
You are everything I need
You are holy, I am dirty
In You, I am made clean
You are Jesus
