Miss. Eva is a spicy ‘ol rascal.
I’m not even going to try to guess her age…I’d say late 80’s……maybe closer to 200…haha kidding…
Some people never truly know just what is going to come out of her mouth…
But I almost always know the nature of the conversations she's going to strike up with me each morning…
“Come here little boss, listen. I want you to listen…”
She always has something encouraging to say as soon as I walk through the door at work.
Most of the time I am able to multi-task when talking (or listening) to her…getting emails completed, cans stocked, bags fluffed, fruit sorted…but one morning not too long ago she grabbed me by the shoulders demanding my attention.
“What does the Lord say?”
I’d like to say that something completely spiritual overtook me and the perfect bible verse came into my mind - but no. Blank. My mind was as blank as the expression on my face.
“WHAT DOES THE LORD SAY CHILD?!”
(……more blankness……)
“What did He tell Peter?”
(……Peter…….Piper……?)
“He said to Peter, ‘Peter if you love me, feed my sheep.’ Feed my sheep! That’s what you’re doing here little boss! You’re feeding the Lords’ sheep! You’re doing the Lord’s work!!”
This was not a morning that I was able to focus on anything else other than what Miss. Eva was telling me…
You know when people say something to you, like something good, something that compliments you, and you just don’t know how to respond? I’ll be honest - I only either think one of two things…either: “It’s about damn time you noticed!” ooorrrrr (and this is what happens most of the time) “This person has NO CLUE who I am. This is super awkward. I’m not going to make any eye contact. I’m just going to involuntarily mumble something that resembles the words ‘aww thank you’ but in a super uncomfortable manner, because I know I don’t deserve anything they just said. Then I’m going to go find some food I can shove into my mouth so I have an excuse not to say anything else…”
This particular morning it was the latter…and my mind was hoping that a big plate of COSTCO chocolate chocolate chip muffins would magically appear in front of me so that I could shove them all into my mouth and distract myself from feeling like the big fake I truly am and knew I was at that moment…
The Lord’s work.
Doing the Lord’s work…
I am doing the Lord’s work.
Am I though….?
One of my friends introduced me to a beautiful Bible Study series called She Reads Truth.
It’s gorgeous.
If any of you enjoy pretty things…(and Jesus)…you’ll definitely enjoy these studies…
We just ended a study on Song of Songs…the book of *love*.
And it was completely fitting into my life like a chocolate chocolate chip muffin fits into my mouth when I’m feeling awkward.
I already knew I was selfishly holding onto what little love I had left in me…But this study has helped me realize even more: Love…is something I have been seriously lacking in my life lately.
I have a family whom I love…I have a boyfriend whom I love…I have friends who I love…but what about the people who don’t fall into those categories? The people who I don’t consider my family, boyfriend, or friends….
I have a lot of goals for my 2017 year - maybe I’ll go into them in a later blog…or maybe I’ll write a blog about them when I complete them, that way It'll save me any embarrassment if I horribly fail at them…
One of those goals - is kind of more of a life goal…to LOVE.
Love God, love my family, love my friends, love my boyfriend, love myself, love people I don’t know, love people I come into contact with each day, love people I’ll never meet. Love deeper. Love harder. Love quicker. Love better. Love more. Tough Love. Easy Love (not too easy now…). JUST LOVE.
“Love is patient.” I want to BE PATIENT
“Love is kind.” I want to BE KIND
“Love does not envy.” I want to BE HAPPY FOR PEOPLE
“Love does not boast.” I AM NOTHING WITHOUT GOD
“Love is not conceited.”
“Love does not act improperly.” I want to LIVE ABOVE REPROACH
“Love is not selfish.” I want to GIVE LOVINGLY
“Love is not provoked.” I NEED to BE QUICK TO LISTEN - SLOW TO SPEAK
“Love does not keep a record of wrongs.” I want to FORGIVE. FORGET.
“If I speak human or angelic languages but do not have love, I am a sounding gong or a clanging symbol.” — No matter how eloquent my speech may be…if it’s not coming from a place of love…my words fall flat and have no meaning.
But here’s where it got me:
Here’s where that ol’ rascal Eva’s words struck my heart…
“And if I donate all my goods to feed the poor, and if I give my body in order to boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.” (1 Corinthians 13:3)
If I donate ALL my goods to feed the poor. If I give ALL my time to serve His people. If I give every single part of myself to “help” His Children. If I devote my life to feeding His sheep - but do it all without love…It’s doing absolutely nothing for me.
Nada.
Zilch.
I might be blessing other people, sure…but what do I have to gain from it? Where am I growing? Where am I connecting? Where am I glorifying God?
I’m so focussed on being “better” this year - but if one ounce of this desire of “betterness" is not driven by love. It’s nothing.
I may as well give up now and count myself defeated.
I think one of the worst parts is…it is my EVERY DAY JOB to serve people. Literally - I get paid to help people.
How is that bad?
It can be VERY misleading. It’s bad enough fooling other people into thinking I’m such a *good* person - but so often - I even fool myself.
Is it an act of love if my every day job requires me to do it?
This terrifies me.
Appearing as someone I am not. Or actually…BEING someone I am not.
People thinking I am one way - when really…I may be the exact opposite.
Because in all truthfulness - If I wasn't getting paid to serve strangers…I don’t know that I’d make the choice to volunteer to do it.
But every day - I see people who are MUCH better than I am. I see people who MAKE THE CHOICE TO SERVE. People who don’t have to get up by 7 am every morning. People who don’t get paid to lift heavy boxes and sort through rotten fruit. People who MAKE THE CHOICE TO LOVE. Each day.
Not so that they are able to boast about what they do - but just for the simple fact that they have the desire to serve. To serve God and to serve His people.
THAT’S who I want to be.
No more handing out food to people and not knowing their names.
No more entering a child’s date of birth into the application system and not knowing the color of their hair.
No more brushing off people who are asking for help when I’m quick to assume that I have no way of helping them.
No more dodging peering, hungry eyes when I am “busy” at my computer.
No more walking through the office door in the morning hoping no one starts a conversation with me because I have “so much” work to do.
No more holding onto the love God has given me.
I want to feed His sheep and know their stories.
I want to do the Lord’s work.
I want to LOVE.
