Diamond rings and beautiful things - you give me much more than that when you smile...

Things that I am really loving lately...

Music:

Ingrid Michaelson. Her music…ALL of it, is just amazing. I don’t think she has one song that I don’t like…she’s just a girls’ girl! You know what I mean? Not to mention… she’s married to Greg Laswell………not sure there could ever be a more musically talented couple…

(*Random piece of information…I have a tattoo on my left ribs, which I got a few years ago. It was inspired by her song “Keep Breathing”. The tattoo says; “All I can do is keep breathing”…it was at kind of a low point in my life and I was going through A LOT and I felt like I couldn’t control any of it and so apparently this song felt relatable to me…haha…kids…)

If you haven’t heard her music…then listen to her! NOW! You should start with a few of my current favorites of hers…which include:

Soldier

Sort Of

This Is War

Ghost (this one especially…though it is a sad one…sorry…)

Die Alone

Black & Blue

December Baby (ugh this one is so good too…[sad as well])

Starting Now

Ribbons

Giving Up

Glass

Okay…I’m going to stop there…or else I am just going to suggest every song she has…

  

Book:

The Night Circus! My new favorite. Oh my gosh. I cannot even begin to explain how amazing it is. If you are a reader…or heck, even if you aren’t…READ IT!!!! I’m like 400 pages in I think...and I literally wake up in the morning, excited to get into bed that night and read it! And I know I am going to cry when it is over...

Movie:

Beautiful Creatures. I am such a “fantasy” type lover…I love movies (and books) with mystery and magic and just incredibly romantic and un-real love stories…and this movie basically has everything I love. I could watch it over and over and over and over again…I actually did the first time I rented it…and hopefully soon I will buy it…so I can watch it over and over and over and over again =]

Speaking of love…

One of my new favorite things in the world is sitting in my room at night with my windows open and letting the cool air come in…why did I not discover this blissful possibility sooner?! Haha but I think I am liking it too much because I had a dream the other night that the man of my dreams showed up at my window one night with flowers and we talked all night...ahahahahaha….so I am convinced that is going to happen one of these nights haha…oh how my imagination gets away from me some times…

On second thought…that might be a little creepy if some random guy showed up at my window with flowers…maybe I should keep my blinds closed…just in case…

Haha…anyways…

Another thing I love…CANDLES!!! One of my best friends ALWAYS gives me little candles as gifts and recently I decided to actually burn one…mmmm there is just something so romantic about a dark room being lit up from a candle…

Another thing I am loving lately is just all of the little adventures I have been having…

God has been showing me more and more lately just how many people I have in my life who TRULY love and care for me…and I have been having so much fun just getting to know them all more and more and just spending time with them…From Six Flags to Alaska…and wine tasting and concerts…and even just simple random lunch dates…I have been having so much fun with so many of my friends and I just feel so blessed lately…and loved…and I know God knew that I needed some quality time with people who genuinely care for me…And I have just been basking in it and I really feel so spoiled…

(I am really realizing lately how much I just love spending quality time with people…I think that is a big part of my “love language” like just knowing that someone could be anywhere or be doing anything, but they have chosen to spend some time with me, even if we are just relaxing and talking…I just love my friends so much…and of course I love to know they love me too haha…)

So besides all of these little things that are making me so happy lately…Today I really realized how thankful I am for prayer.

I mean I am always thankful for prayer…but today…I definitely had a light-bulb moment with it.

Of course, I have always known that prayer serves several healing purposes…

It helps the people who are being prayed for…and it also helps the person who is doing the praying…

I believe God not only gives us prayer so that we can encourage others…but so that we can also feel encouraged ourselves.

My devotional today was about God’s purpose…and how His purpose is not necessarily the final outcome…but it is found mostly within the process that it takes to get to the final outcome…

Lately I have been struggling A LOT with my emotions concerning something.

I hate to admit this…but it really has been awful.

This something has been causing me to lose so much sleep and I have been allowing it to haunt me and consume a greater portion of my mind.

I feel like I have SO many questions…but at the same time…I know I have ALL of the answers…but they all just really suck to accept.

I have been driving myself crazy with how I should go about what I am struggling with and trying to decide what the best solution is to solve my racing mind…

And finally, today…I had my “ah-ha!” moment…

Prayer.

Haha I know…I sound so dumb right now…since I talked about how important prayer is in my last post…

But this is a somewhat different situation…and to be quite frank: I’m not even completely positive that I actually wanted to accept the solution to my problem.

And I am not completely positive that I have actually found that solution…All I know is…it is a process…and each and every step counts.

These steps can build me – or break me

“If we realize that moment-by-moment obedience is the goal, then each moment as it comes is precious.” – Oswald Chambers “My Utmost For His Highest”

In all honesty – I have ZERO idea when or how I am going to get over all of this. All I know is that right now…I know what I want. But I also know that it is not that easy –

So all I can do is just pray.

I can pray for wisdom and strength and discernment.

It’s like…loving someone who chooses not to accept your love. There is really nothing you can do…the only option you have is to just pray for them. Yeah…not too many things suck more in the world…but that is how you can love them…just pray for them. And you can know in your heart that you truly are loving them…even if you are the only one who knows it…

And I do…and I will.

Isaiah 30:19 – “O people in Zion, inhabitant in Jerusalem, you will weep no longer. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you.”

“Prayer is a shield to the soul, a sacrifice to God, and a scourge for Satan.” – John Bunyan

This one's for the girls...

It’s late and I’m tired – but I have to get this off my chest.

I just turned the big 2-5!

I know I know…so old…

This past year I have felt so much pressure from people about finding a husband.

But for once in my life…I am completely content with not wanting just any man.

For once, I am not in the wrong relationship – and I have never felt more at peace.

Everywhere I look people are either in love, falling in love, or looking for someone to fall in love with!

Just recently I spent some time with one of my old friends who is “searching” for that person that she will give her forever to. But it’s sad to say, that she is “searching” in all of the wrong places. She has convinced herself that she needs “practice” with relationships…and I’ve watched her go from this strong independent woman, to someone who seems to be just tossing herself at any guy who will give her attention…

(My point of this post is not to gossip AT ALL, but to show any girl who is struggling with this…that no one should have to go out “looking” for a relationship.)

Moving on…

On the opposite side…I have spent the past several days with two of my dearest friends who have great men who they are utterly in love with.

One of them is married and she and her husband absolutely adore each other.

The other friend is in a “dating” relationship and will most likely be engaged by the end of the year. Her and her love are as smitten and giddy as school children.

Instead of being jealous of these two love-couples, I am exceedingly happy for the both of them. I LOVE hearing about how they are so in-love with their men and how they have someone they can share everything with. And hearing their stories only excites me more and more about one day having a similar love of my own!

Just recently, a girl I know became engaged. One of my friends asked me if this girls’ story gave me “hope” of finding someone. It may sound like a funny question…and I guess it kind of was…but I just laughed. I guess because this girl who recently became engaged, is around my age and her and her fiancé just fell in-love completely unexpectedly…

But to say this story gave me “hope”…is an odd way of explaining how it made me feel…

Perhaps it did in a way…

But even more so…it gave me insight…I guess it just confirmed my belief that God DOES work in mysterious ways…and He has everything under control and He knows what He is doing. And even more so…He has a plan…for EVERYONE!

I have spent enough of my life wasting my heart and emotions on the wrong man – wanting to believe that their “forever” was genuine and true, rather than shallow with far-from-honorable intentions.

So to the 16-year-old who is just starting her “dating” life and wanting to find Mr. Right…and to the 30-year-old who is lonely and sad and feels discouraged…and to my dear friend who has sadly convinced herself that she needs to throw herself at every guy who will talk to her and put herself out there in order to “gain experience” with the opposite sex…

Don’t feed into the lies that it is “not so bad” to settle for anything less than what you deserve.

Don’t listen to the people around you who tell you that you need to “put yourself out there” in order to meet people and gain experience.

But don’t coop yourself up in your room and shut yourself off from the world, giving up all hope that you are ever going to find someone.

Just be you and do what you truly want to do.

God will send someone your way in HIS perfect timing.

Trust me…if He can create you…He can control the events in your life…

I don’t care what anyone else is telling you. You DESERVE to be pursued.

There is NOTHING wrong with being “old-fashioned” and letting the man make all the moves…he is, after all, supposed to be a “man” correct?

And you deserve to be NUMBER ONE in a guys’ life. NOT second best, plan b, or the re-bound.

And if you EVER are put in a situation where he makes you have to wonder and question where you stand in his life (as far as his affections for girls go) – take yourself out of the equation and wait for someone who will never make you question his feelings for you and who will love you and respect you just as much as you deserve to be loved and respected.

If a man doesn’t love you just as much as you love him, then he is not worth any of your time. And trying to convince yourself that maybe one day he will cherish you as much as you deserve, will only cause you more pain and bitterness in the long run. Trust me…he is NOT worth it. And when all is said and done…you will realize that…and you may be saddened that you allowed him to have any of your time and heart.

So how can you know if a guy is “the one”?

PRAY! Seek guidance and council from the ONLY ONE who TRULY knows your heart and his heart, and the only One who knows for certain what is going to happen and what is best for you.

Pray that He will guard your heart and that no man will ever be able to get to you unless he goes through Christ.

And pray that He takes away anyone who may hinder you or distract you from what He has for you.

Then, the people who you start to see slip away from your life, probably were not meant to be there in the first place. And the man who continues to pursue you more and more…he may be the one who is deserving of your heart. But NEVER STOP praying.

And remember – God is not a god of confusion, but of peace and certainty.

And He wants and HAS the absolute best for you! So don’t allow yourself to settle for someone who does not deserve you. Instead, save every part of you, for a man who loves you more than you ever thought possible.

If God gives you an idea of an incredibly loving man…don’t let Satan fool you into believing that there is “no such thing”…and don’t allow yourself to become discouraged that you will never find him. If God gives you a vision…then He WILL deliver. So just wait on Him. And don’t settle.

So am I worried that I am getting "too old" to find someone...or that I am running out of time and I need to find someone pronto??? NOT one bit...

Do I feel like I need to settle for someone who has proved to be undeserving or unworthy of my love just because I don't want to be alone...? HELL NO!!! (excuse my lingo!)

But do I feel encouraged by other people's "magical" and "unexpected" love stories? Sure, why not?! But better yet...God has a story just for ME! He has someone planned out for me and me alone! Something unique and unexplainable! And I will wait on Him...because He is the only One who has NEVER let me down. And His promises NEVER fail. And He will always put what is best for me first! And He has promised to do the EXACT SAME for YOU!

Okay…I think that was just about all that has been on my heart…I just had to get that off of my chest =]

It Really Doesn't Matter...

The last month has been pretty hectic for me…and yet here I am, sitting on my bathroom counter taking a few minutes to write this little note…while I should be packing for my trip to Alaska instead…but I’m just pulling a typical “Michal” move and procrastinating…

My mind has been everywhere lately…places where I don’t even know…all I do know is that it has been keeping me up at night and in these last few days, my body has seriously been paying the price! I feel awful lately…I had the house to myself all last week and had so much to do, yet all I had the strength to do was just lay on the couch watching movies…which, I’ll be honest…was kind of nice being able to relax and catch up on some movies I had been wanting to see…

But at the same time, I know there were others things I could have been doing…or should have been doing.

I am such a funny person. Everything about me is contradicting. I am either waiting until the last minute or jumping the gun! I need some more consistency in my life!

One of my cousins and I kind of “got into it” a few weeks ago…he’s not a Christian, and he was basically telling me how annoying Christians are for always talking about God. And at first, part of me just laughed it off…like “Oh if I were telling you that I was getting wasted every weekend, you would praise that news, but when I say how much I love Jesus, I’m suddenly being offensive and shoving my views down your throat…?” Sometimes people don’t make sense to me…but then he said something that was incredibly offensive to me…that I really don’t even have the desire to repeat, or ever think of again!

At first I was so caught of guard at how horrible this thing was that he had said. I was completely shocked and utterly offended.

But then I just thought about it for awhile…and I just grew sad for him. And the more I think about it now…the more and more sad I become…

How could someone be so bitter? Someone that I am related to! How could someone be so turned off towards God that it makes him feel this way…? What extensive hurt does life have to deal to someone to make them this way…We come from the same family and yet we are ENTIRELY different people…

I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and be honest with that, yes, he has gone through some pretty tough things, that I know of. But how much more has he gone through to make him this way that I don’t know of…

Like I said before…sometimes people just don’t makes sense to me…at least initially they don’t…then the more and more I think about it…the more and more they do make sense…at least from the worlds standpoint.

About a month and a half ago I was talking to one of my good friends. We were talking about things I had gone through and all of the unnecessary hurt that I had allowed into my life. Then, I just started bawling…just because there have been so many times where I chose whatever the “world” was dealing me instead of what God wanted for me…I have allowed myself to go through A LOT of unnecessary pain, and I have been dealt some pain that I really had no choice but to experience...

And if I didn’t have Christ, then yes Cousin, I completely would understand where you are coming from.

But thankfully, I DO have Christ.

My point is not to bring attention to me and whatever hog-wash I’ve allowed in my life! It is to bring attention to God!

It is ALL because of HIM that I am the way that I am now!

“Oh praise the One who paid MY debt and raised this life up from the dead!”

WHO KNOWS what my life would be like without Christ! Shoot – I know how horrible I can make my life and I say I have Christ…just imagine how awful I would be without Him.

Every time I start to put myself above others because I feel that I am in someway better than them because I am “following Christ” I quickly pray that Christ humbles that thought…and He does. He allows me to remember all of my awful mistakes and reminds me that He is the ONLY reason that I am different now than from who I was.

I know where my life was headed without Christ…and it was no where pretty or good…and had Christ not saved me, I know for certain I would be among the worst of sinners…

I know none of this is pulling together…please forgive my scatterbrained writings…(like I said…I have SERIOUSLY been lacking sleep) but basically…I have been pretty discouraged the past week or two…discouraged and stressed! About so many things…

I have been crazy! I have been tried, drained, insecure, and just…really annoying. And on top of that, I have been stressed about being stressed and my lack of sleep, which causes me to have even less sleep! (My vacation is coming at the perfect time!!!) And when I am tired, that is when my difficult side comes out…and I create all of these problems and insecurities out of thin air! But really…I sincerely apologize to any and every person who has had to come in contact with me lately…

But this morning in my devotional I was just reminded of how it really is not about me. And as I prayed, all of my worries and insecurities just kind faded away. God has paved a CLEAN, clear path for me. He is my guide…He has already conquered all of my fears and doubts and insecurities and all of the things in the world that I could possibly make a problem out of! I just need to trust Him with where He is taking me!

Below is a song that I have had on repeat for a good half of the day…it has been so encouraging to me…and hopefully it can be to you as well!

You Are Jesus

By Aaron Gillespie

It doesn't matter who I was, it doesn't matter where I been

Your grace is all I'm chasing

It doesn't matter when I wake, it doesn't matter when I sleep

Your arms are open for me

I am complete

'Cause You said I could breathe

I am made clean

And to You I will sing

You are Jesus, You are Jesus

You are everything I need

You are holy, I am dirty

And in You, I am made clean

You are Jesus

You gear my brain when it's moving backward

You hear my voice when I'm screaming

You felt my pain so long ago

You paid it all just for me

I am complete

'Cause You said I could breathe

I am made clean

And to You I will sing

You are Jesus, You are Jesus

You are everything I need

You are holy, I am dirty

And in You, I am made clean

You are Jesus

I am complete

'Cause You said I could breathe

I am made clean

And to You I will sing

You are Jesus, You are Jesus

You are everything I need

You are holy, I am dirty

In You, I am made clean

You are Jesus