Just fantasize with me for a moment…
Think about everything you have ever wanted
in life…
Love, happiness, security, comfort…
Even material things…money, a nice car, a
nice house, a personal chef (yes please!), all expenses paid vacations to the
most extravagant places in the world…
Have you ever seen the movie “Blank Check”?!
It’s this movie from the ‘90’s where this kid is given a blank check by
accident, so he writes it to himself for $1,000,000! With which he buys a
castle!!! A bouncy, bungee-jump thingy! An indoor/outdoor waterslide! A go-kart
track! A human-bouncy-velcro-wall thingy! A private limo-service! And of course
many other random things during crazy shopping sprees! To be honest…the biggest
part that sticks out to me from the movie, is when he is sitting in the back of
the limo eating a HUGE thing of ice cream that is basically bigger than he is!
I remember thinking about it when I was
younger…what would I buy if I had $1,000,000? (The human-size vat of ice cream
was DEFINITELY on the list!) Heck…even now…at times, my friends and I fantasize
about winning the lottery and being able to buy anything and go anywhere we
want!
If I could have anything and everything in
the world…what would it be…?
What about you? What would you want?
Imagine meeting someone who could give you
everything you ever wanted!
I often joke about marrying a doctor or a
lawyer and being able to travel the world…
But what if that REALLY did happen? What if I
met someone who was able to give me everything I ever desired…
It all sounds pretty alluring on the surface…
But how pure would my intentions be?
Would the love that I had for this man be
based off of who he genuinely is and how I see Christ in him, or would it be
based off of what he can give me? Off of what I can get from him?
And in difficult times in our
relationship…would my faith and trust in God and my love for this man be what
keeps our relationship alive…or would it be my love for the extravagant
lifestyle and how I would not want to give that up?
How easily would my interest turn from the
man himself, to what he has?
When these thoughts came into my mind
tonight…they were not initially about a romantic relationship…that is just the
easiest way I thought of to be able to explain to someone else what I was really
thinking about…
Maybe this all seems pretty surfacey and
after reading all of this, you may think I am a pretty shallow person, but this
is just me being honest…
But all of this started with me thinking
about God and everything that He has given me.
I’ll be completely honest and say that I have
often wondered about my true intentions when it comes to my relationship with
Christ. Do I follow Him because I truly believe that He loves me and I want to
TRULY KNOW Him? Or do I follow Him because I want everything that He can give
me?
Don’t get me wrong – we are supposed to
desire and ask for God’s blessings…they are all part of ways that God is able
to show us how much He loves us and in-return, He receives glory from us.
But how often do I turn to Him only because I
want the grace and peace I know He gives. How often do I run to Him when I am
hurting, solely because I just want the pain to go away?
And then as soon as I get what I want from
Him…how often do I just go right back to what I was doing that caused that pain
and suffering in the first place?
How often do I put what God gives me…the VERY
blessings that HE ALLOWS me to receive…above Him?!
How many times have I told God that I don’t
really care about truly KNOWING who He is and what He has done and how much He
loves me and will always be there to forgive me and bring me back to Him…instead…I
just want what He can give me.
I know how powerful He is. I know He can move
mountains and can ordain anything He wants…
I know He could give me EVERY SINGLE desire
of my heart if He wanted to…
How often do I attempt to use that and USE
HIM to MY advantage? For MY own personal gain?
It makes me so sick to think about.
Think about it the other way…
You met someone who you love more than
anything in the world! I mean…this guy has it all! The greatest smile! The most
contagious laugh! He really has everything that you could ever want in a man.
And you just fall head-over-heels instantly in-love! And you give him anything
and everything that he wants…and you know that he doesn’t truly love you for
who you are…but he loves what you can give him.
(granted – this is probably a VERY poor
example…because no man of my dreams who I plan to fall head-over-heels
instantly in-love with would ever use me for his own personal gain...but
hopefully you get what I’m saying…)
The feeling and knowledge of this must be
utterly heart-breaking.
All you want to do is give this person all of
your love…and all they want from you is whatever your money can buy.
Maybe you’re not really following what I am
saying and you TRULY 100% follow Christ for ALL of the most pure and genuine
reasons…and that is incredible…
But sometimes I just wonder what my true
intentions are…
Thankfully Christ knows my heart and He knows
my true intentions…and He has made me aware of all of this and brought
conviction to me…so He’s still there...if I haven’t done anything to scare Him
away thus far, then I’m pretty sure there is nothing I could ever do to scare
Him away…He’s proven He is in it for the long-haul!
But these are the kinds of things I ponder
when I am alone with my thoughts and God…
“It
would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are
half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when
infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making
mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a
holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” – C.S. Lewis
