I am not
quite sure how often I have talked about this. But for some reason, at the
moment, I really feel like I need to share more on the subject.
I know I
have written several times about how restless I can become, and how I often
have a racing mind that just takes me some time to calm down at times. And I
know I have mentioned my poor memory, but I don’t know just how detailed I have
been with my struggles.
I struggle A
LOT with anxiety problems. I have not actually seen anyone to diagnose me
officially, but being a psychology major, I have seen/experienced enough signs
for myself to know that I definitely fall into the category of some sort of
anxiety disorder, which is weird, because it wasn’t until recently that I
actually started realizing that what I struggle with, is in fact something more
than just an occasional distraction.
If I were
attempting to describe the things I feel during an “episode” it could go along
the lines of any of the following:
If there is
something that I am struggling with or cannot get off of my mind, it will be
all that I think about over and over again. My mind will start racing with
thoughts of this particular thing. It can be anything…something that I am
stressed or nervous about, something I am afraid of, or even just something
that I am going through. My mind goes 100 miles per hour and I can feel my
heart racing and I start to get hot-flashes and basically just feel like I am
going crazy…hah…I have difficulty getting my mind to focus on anything, even
those fears/thoughts themselves…it is literally as if I cannot control my mind.
I can try to just tell myself to calm down and stop thinking about it, but that
only causes me to think about it even harder because I am trying to consciously
get myself to stop thinking about it…
Or
If there is
something that I feel under pressure about, I feel fine at first, but as more
and more time passes my mind starts racing (again) and I get extremely
irritable and jumpy and there is basically no talking to me or trying to offer
me help/advice. My mind will be racing one minute and the next it will go
completely blank and I have difficulty getting my mind to focus on what I need
to be focusing on, which leads me to become even more stressed. I basically
become paralyzed with the stress that I feel and all I can do is just sit there
and “go through the motions” until it starts to subside and I am able to get
more of a grasp on my thoughts.
If I feel
stressed for long periods of time, like a few days or a week or more, then my
hair can start to fall out and I have extreme difficulty with falling asleep
and staying asleep, so my body and mind are always exhausted. I feel detached from life, like I am not accomplishing
anything during the day and if I am able to focus on anything, it is only on
whatever I am stressed or have anxiety over, even when I am doing something
that has nothing to do with it, otherwise my mind is basically blank.
Maybe this
does not seem that serious, and maybe you, yourself are even thinking that you
have experienced similar situations, which would not surprise me because I
believe that most people do have occasional struggles with anxiety.
But if you
have no idea what I am talking about and just think that I am a crazy person…I
don’t blame you. Having a serious struggle with anxiety really does make me feel
like I am crazy sometimes.
And I feel
awful for anyone who comes in contact with me while I am going through one of
these times.
I used to
think that it was just that I simply did not handle stress well…which I do tend
to procrastinate A LOT so that definitely plays a factor when it comes to
me panicking over deadlines. But then I started realizing that it was happening
more and more when I was stressed or going through something emotional.
I was
diagnosed earlier last year with a mild case of PTSD after I had gotten out of
an abusive relationship, but I thought that eventually that would go away. So I
am not quite sure if that plays a role in my current anxiety struggles, but I
am sure that it is possible that it is somehow connected because I did realize
that my attacks have gotten worse in the past two years…but specifically this
past year…so who knows!
I also have
been diagnosed with hypoglycemia (I know…so many problems…but I guess that is
kind of what it’s about…identifying your problems and what you struggle with so
that you are aware of them and are able to grow and overcome them…right?) So
when I don’t eat right…for instance, if I have a lot of carbs or sugar…I am more
likely to have an episode…this is not always the case, but I do know that when
I take better care of myself physically, then my blood sugar is leveled out and
I am just more healthy in general.
(The poor
poor man who has to marry me…hopefully he never reads this blog! Or at least
not before he gets to really know me haha…)
Alright…enough
of my problems…let’s hear some SOLUTIONS!!!
I want to be
able to control all of this as much as I am able to, because the bible does
tell us that worrying is, in fact, a sin! It is me trying to take control of my
life and telling God that I don’t trust that He has everything all planned out,
and that He has not given me everything that I need. It is discouraging at
times because when I am having an anxiety attack, I really do feel like I
cannot control it…but that just serves to show me just how important it is to
know ahead of time what I can do to help subside my anxiety and hopefully,
eventually, be able to fully prevent it.
I think it
is extremely important through all of this to not make my anxiety a “god” over
me, and to not let it cripple me in life. The times that it becomes so
overwhelming and obsessive to me, are some of the most scary and
frustrating times…but I can rest in the fact that God has provided me a way
out. And as long as I look to Him – He will save me. (1 Corinthians 10: 13-14)
One of the
most controllable steps I can take is eating right! Which, for me, basically
means staying completely away from sugar and carbs, and getting a healthy,
balanced diet of veggies and protein…and LOTS and LOTS of water!
Also,
exercise does help! Exercise (specifically cardio) is just therapeutic for the
whole body! It gives me a way to relieve a lot of stress and also provides some
time for me to just clear my mind and just RUN!
Force myself
to get into bed, with NO distractions, at a reasonable hour of night and then
trying to wake up early. This is difficult – but can be MUCH easier when I have the
first two things (eating right and exercising) under control!
I have also
learned that it is better for me to plan my days out ahead of time, leaving
myself PLENTY of time to do what I need to get done…even if I need to be
generous when writing out my schedule and allow more time than necessary for
certain things. It helps if I first write out everything that I need to get
done by the end of the week and then break those things up in to specific days.
I do admit that it is harder for me to plan EXACTLY between what and what time
I should have what done by…and I must admit that I HATE doing this because it can
cause stress…but it is a healthy way to make myself used to deadlines…because
after all…for the time being I may be in control of my time, but it has not
always and will not always be like that. So it is good practice.
Also…
writing helps A LOT. I am very big on journaling and writing down all of my thoughts
(obviously). Which really comes in handy! Usually I journal before bed, and I
know this, so during the day when I am experiencing anxiety about something, I
just remind myself that later that night I will be able to write all about it,
so I don’t have to worry about it at the moment. But at the same time…this can
cause me to just want to stop doing whatever I am doing and just go
journal…which is okay from time to time…but not necessarily a good habit to
create because I am not always in the position to be able to have that luxury.
Another thing that really helps is making a “worry list”. Which kind of goes a
long with me writing in my journal, but this is more of a list of things where
I write about what is bothering me, why I feel it is bothering me, what I am
afraid of because of this, and then I think about what I am actually
accomplishing by worrying about it…which is usually nothing good! Then from
there, I write about what I should be focused on instead. This is something I
have learned recently from a book that my youth pastors wife and I have been
going through: Putting off old, unhealthy habits, while replacing them with
new, healthy ones.
Something
else that I have also learned fairly recently is, whenever I start to think of
something I don’t want to focus on, I think of the different names of God
instead. This technique is especially one of my favorites…because it is serving
a few purposes: It is causing me to focus on something greater than myself (God)
and it is helping me learn more and more about Him and who He is. At first it
started off as, whenever I would start to feel that unwanted thoughts were
starting to come into my mind or I was starting to panic or become overwhelmed
by anxiety, I would recite the different ways (that I knew of) that the bible
describes God: “God, Christ, Jesus, Lord, Holy Spirit, Yahweh, Prince of Peace,
Lord of Lords, Son of God, Savior, Adonai, Jehovah, El Shaddai, Almighty…etc.”
Then the more I realized how relaxing this really was, I would look up more
names for God and their meanings…and what passages they are
found in. Also, thinking about the characteristics of God really helps too. It
helps me to put in perspective just how negative my stress and anxiety and
thoughts really are, and just how God is everything OPOSITE of all of these and
how He is always there to save me from them!
Reciting and
memorizing scripture also goes along somewhat with the above. I cannot even
begin to describe how much this helps…and just running to my bible itself
instantaneously. After all, God is my creator. He KNOWS what I struggle with
and He has promised to deliver me whenever I call on Him.
Listening to
Christian music really helps as well. Music is just so emotional and when I
find songs that really stick out to me and hold weight with me, I get the
feeling that I am not alone in my struggle, and most of the time it just
reminds me that God is in control.
Mainly, what
helps most is me just getting the focus off of myself and what I struggle with and
what worries and fears that I have, and just replacing all of it with God and
who He is and how much He loves me and what He has promised me.
The
following bible verses are just a few of the verses the bring comfort to me in
these times:
When I worry…
Matthew 6:25-34, “Therefore I say
to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink;
nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the
body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor
reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of
more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his
stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field,
how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even
Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so
clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the
oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore
do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What
shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly
Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and
all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is
its own trouble.”
2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a
spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
Psalm 55:22, “Cast your burden on the Lord,
and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.”
1 Peter 5:6-7, “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of
God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He
cares for you.”
When I feel anxious…
Philippians 4:6-8, “Be anxious for nothing,
but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your
requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all
understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally,
brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things
are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things
are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything
praiseworthy – meditate on these things.”
When I am afraid…
Psalm 56:3-4, “Whenever I am afraid, I will
trust in You. In God (I will praise His word). In God I have put my trust; I
will not fear. What can flesh do to me?”
When I
become angry/frustrated because of my
obsessive thoughts…
Psalm 103:8, “The Lord is merciful and
gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.”
Psalm 21:23, “Whoever guards his mouth and tongue
keeps his soul from troubles.”
Psalm 29:22, “An angry man stirs up strife,
And a furious man abounds in transgression.”
Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turns away
wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.”
And last but
definitely not least…I ALWAYS think of Ezekiel
36:26,27 and think about how, in God, I am new and He has conquered everything
and He knows what I struggle with and He has made me new!: “I will give you a
new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out
of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you
and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do
them.”
As crazy as it may sound, I cannot help but
be thankful that I am ABLE to have a struggle like this! I'll be honest and say that I have not always felt this way, because I used to just let it control so much of my days and it would just frustrate and exhaust me, but recently I have been able to see that through this, God’s
glory and power and strength are demonstrated to me CONSTANTLY. I am able to
see just how weak and helpless I am on my own without Him…and just when I feel
that life in these times, is impossible, He is able to deliver me and show me just
how much I need Him and everything that He does for me.
“…My grace is sufficient for you, for My
strength is made perfect in weakness.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9
So…if you are anything like me and struggle
with anxiety in any form, large or small…I really hope that you are able to
feel encouraged that you are not alone! And Christ cares about you…so much that
He has provided you with someone else who is able to understand what you are
going through…ME =] ! Haha…but really…I truly do hope that some of this stuff
helps you and just know that I will be praying for you and your struggles!
“My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the
strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26
