First and Foremost...and Second...

Alright…so for the month of November I really wanted to try to post something different each day about things that I am thankful for…

And look at me…I already failed on day one! Hahahaha…typical

But I am going to try my absolute HARDEST to post at least one thing that I am thankful for each day this month…

I apologize ahead of time if some of them are very short…and I apologize if I miss a day here and there…but like I said…I will try my hardest.

So since according to what my “post date” will be on this thing, it will look like I missed November 1^st…even though it is 12:40 at night and technically, since I have not slept at all, it is still Friday to me…I’ll just act like it is November 1^st and 2^nd and kill two birds with one stone by stating two things that I am thankful for =]

Alright…

Numero Uno:

First and foremost…I am thankful for Christ and His love for ALL of His children.

I know I know…that is kind of like me cheating right? Haha but I don’t care. I have to put Him first because I know I would not have anything to be thankful for if it weren’t for Him, seeing as ALL of my blessings in life come from Him.

I am thankful that He gives me His love. Each and every day. When I least deserve it and when I deserve it even less – because I NEVER deserve it.

He loves me no matter what. And He fills me with love for other people. That is incredible. People that before Him, I would not be able to stand of be around or love. He gives me love for all of His creation…and even though I MAY have a slight inappropriate personality at times…He still turns my heart towards Him and reminds me that He loves ALL of His children THE SAME. THE SAME. THE SAME. Hahaha…okay you get it.

So He is my number one.

#2:

I am thankful for all of my family.

Someone in my family recently passed away and his funeral is tomorrow (Saturday…so today I guess).

He was VERY dear to everyone in my family and everyone who knew him.

When people close to us pass away I think it is always a reminder to just cherish those that God has given us.

I am not going to lie. I may be sick as alllllllll hail of my family at times. And they can say things and do things that drive me absolutely insane and make me think I am off my rocker.

But at the end of the day – I still love them. They are always there for me.

And no matter how much they hound me about needing a husband and starting a family so that they can finally have grandchildren and great grandchildren…I still would hate to go one day without them.

Yeah we have hurt each other a lot…but they’re my family. God knew what He was doing when He put us all together…

I have no idea what He was doing…hahaha…but He does. And that is all that matters.

I am so thankful for them.

Okay…I would probably write A LOT more on both of these subjects…but I just got home and I have to be up for school in 5 hours…so I need some shut eye!

Mile Markers

This time of year makes me feel so reminiscent…

Halloween is my absolute favorite time of the year…I’m not sure if I could tell you why exactly – I think it's just because I love fall so much. And I like carving pumpkins and watching cute scary movies and baking pumpkin seeds and dressing up and just spending time with friends and family…

But I can’t help but think about how Christmas is almost here and then soon after that will be New Years.

Another year will have come and gone…

I was reading in my journal tonight, an entry that I had written July 12 of last year. I had just gotten a new journal and it was my first entry in it…Something fairly emotional was going on in my life at that time and I wrote in the entry, “I’d like to promise myself less drama for this journal, but I don’t know if that’s possible…” when I read that – I just had to laugh…because there definitely has been no less drama in this journal than there was in the one before it…but I don’t really mind…because that’s life.

Reading that served as a reminder…that life may have its downs…but it ALWAYS gets better.

Time passes…feelings change…hearts heal…life goes on.

I could tell you what I was doing exactly one year ago from tomorrow night…I could…but I wont.

But what it was – it marked the beginning of something pretty great.

Something that would take me on an adventure. Something that would teach me things that I never knew I needed to learn. Something that changed me in so many ways. But also something that would break me in a way completely unexpected.

Reading that entry from last July was nostalgic. But in a good way. I was hurting – but I was strong. God gave me so much strength during that time. He gave me His discernment and direction. I knew that what was going on in my life was happening for a reason – I can only remember one other time in my life that I lived with such purpose and drive. I clearly knew the right moves from the wrong…I have no other word to describe it other than that it was beautiful.

It would be best if you did not try to read too much into this entry…I am more just writing it for myself…but while you’re here, hopefully you are able to find some encouragement…

Encouragement in the fact that life is unpredictable. It can leave you with the greatest feeling in the world – or the worst.

But God – He always has the best in mind for His children. And when He allows trials into your life, He will ALWAYS be right there to help you through them.

I read once that if you pray for Gods strength, then He will give it to you at the EXACT moment you need it – Not any sooner than that moment and not any later. And I have seen that truth replayed over and over again in my life.

When I pray to God – I always feel peace knowing that He will provide…it is just remembering that it will all be provided in His perfect timing that can be tricky.

So as this year finishes off…whatever happens – I know that God is controlling it all…and there is always something to be learned.

I think one of the most exciting things with God is that you really do NEVER know what is going to happen. Life can be going along as usual one day and then the next it can be COMPLETELY different – filled with events you could have never even imagined. All it takes is one little thing and your world can be turned upside-down…

How exciting…

Oh How He Loves Us...

Justification by Faith

If when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life —Romans 5:10

I am not saved by believing— I simply realize I am saved by believing. And it is not repentance that saves me— repentance is only the sign that I realize what God has done through Christ Jesus. The danger here is putting the emphasis on the effect, instead of on the cause. Is it my obedience, consecration, and dedication that make me right with God? It is never that! I am made right with God because, prior to all of that, Christ died. When I turn to God and by belief accept what God reveals, the miraculous atonement by the Cross of Christ instantly places me into a right relationship with God. And as a result of the supernatural miracle of God’s grace I stand justified, not because I am sorry for my sin, or because I have repented, but because of what Jesus has done. The Spirit of God brings justification with a shattering, radiant light, and I know that I am saved, even though I don’t know how it was accomplished.

The salvation that comes from God is not based on human logic, but on the sacrificial death of Jesus. We can be born again solely because of the atonement of our Lord. Sinful men and women can be changed into new creations, not through their repentance or their belief, but through the wonderful work of God in Christ Jesus which preceded all of our experience (see 2 Corinthians 5:17-19). The unconquerable safety of justification and sanctification is God Himself. We do not have to accomplish these things ourselves— they have been accomplished through the atonement of the Cross of Christ. The supernatural becomes natural to us through the miracle of God, and there is the realization of what Jesus Christ has already done— “It is finished!” (John 19:30).

- My Utmost For His Highest

Which comes first – Christ melting and changing our hearts…or our repentance?

The former. After that…the two are a continuous cycle.

When I first came to Christ…it was not because I, being a sinner so happy in my sin, decided to all of a sudden change. It was Christ who broke me down and placed the hopeless pit of dissatisfaction and disgust with my sin inside of me – causing me to turn to Him.

And when I come to Him throughout the day…it is never because I think of it…but each and every time I pray or sit down to read His word or feel a conviction on my heart…it is always because He has FIRST come to me and He has called me to come to Him. He has placed that conviction there.

If you think about it…every story we hear of someone being changed and coming to Christ…the people are not changed because they just all of a sudden decided they were going to live differently. It was not THEM who just happened to have the initial thought of repenting and taking the genuine step to turn their life around…it was Christ who FIRST melted their heart and placed the desire to make these decisions in them. And it is Christ who continually works in their life from day to day to make them a better person.

It is Christ who continually changes my heart more and more each and every day, and it was Christ in the very beginning.

“The danger here is putting the emphasis on the effect, instead of on the cause. Is it my obedience, consecration, and dedication that make me right with God? It is never that! I am made right with God because, prior to all of that, Christ died.”

If it took me finally turning to Christ and repenting and obeying Him for Him to come to me and forgive me and place His heart in me…I would never change. I would never repent and obey Him…because that would mean that I would have to come to Christ on my own. And without the conviction and calling of Christ – I would never feel convicted or be called.

So those days that I feel are just so hectic and non-stop…finally when I lay my head down at night and think about how I did not once open my Bible and hardly took time to pray throughout the day…and when I just feel tired and all I want to do is go to sleep…and I can’t help but think about how “being a Christian” and being constantly in the Word of God can be hard work…and when I feel that desire inside of me to sit up – open my Bible – and just spend time getting to know Him…I can rest peacefully knowing that it is HIM calling me…and not me who holds onto Him.

“We are acceptable to God not because we have obeyed, nor because we have promised to give up things, but because of the death of Christ, and for no other reason.”

- My Utmost For His Highest

I will NEVER be good enough for Christ – that is why He sent a sacrifice so pure and great to take my place, so I don’t have to try to be.

We love Him because He FIRST loved us.

Our pride vs. His plan

As someone who ALWAYS likes to stay busy – it can be difficult to tell the difference between when I just genuinely have a busy schedule that I cannot avoid…from when I am purposely placing things in my life to keep me busy because I am avoiding different things.

I always seem to be looking to what is next in my life, instead of just living in the moment.

Which, it’s good to be excited about what God is doing in my life and how blessed I am do be able to be doing all of these things! But I have a tendency to turn some things in my life into the purpose of being a distraction rather than being something that I really do have to or should or even want to do.

And it’s not long before I start to feel overwhelmed and trapped…and I know that it’s time that I let God put me all back together, before I take another step.

I’ve met people before who have been running from pain in their life for so long that they have turned numb to every feeling.

I’m not talking about those times when something devastating or tragic happens in your life and you shut off your emotions for some time because the pain is just too much. I have definitely been there. But in this situation, with time…and a healthy attitude…you do start to allow that pain and hurt and emotion in again and some time after that, you heal, and you grow.

I’m talking about those people that have been hurting all of their lives and they have just become so numb to it that it is second nature to them to shut off emotions when things start to get messy.

The people who just keep running and keep looking for distraction after distraction. They move from one place to the next, one person to the next, one goal to the next, one desire to the next, one fantasy to the next, one illusion to the next…one lie to the next.

They don’t want to heal. They don’t want to grow. They don’t want to move on. They don’t want to be stronger. They don’t want to be healthy.

They don’t want accountability – and they don’t want correction.

They just want to do whatever they want to do and feed into their false belief that as long as they stay busy and ignore who they really are, it will all just go away.

Before you start thinking that I am feeling all “holier than thou”, please don’t.

Not only have I been the first person that I spoke of…I have also been this person.

So I know how they feel. I know how hurt and how lost and how scared and how broken they are.

In this life – pain is inevitable. But what are you going to do with that?

Are you going to keep looking for new distractions and new ways to block the hurt and pain out of your life? Are you going to keep following your impulses and distracting yourself from what is REALLY going on inside of you?

Or are you going to take time and allow yourself to go through the motions and allow yourself to actually FEEL what you actually FEEL – so that you are able to grow and heal and become better and stronger?

It took me along time to realize that my constant search for something better, would always lead to my constant discovery of disappointment.

It took me a long time to realize that ALL I need is the love that GOD has for me, and that using others to build you up is destructive. It destroys you, the person that you are using, and the purpose of relationships. God gives us other people so what we can be GENUINE with them and glorify Him through our pure, true relationships with them. Not so we can distract ourselves from how impure and un-true we are.

Do I want people to like me – more than I want to be ME and be true to WHO I am and WHAT I am feeling?

We let our impulses corrupt our judgment and our God-given sense.

We want to run from everything in our lives that God wants to heal.

All because we are afraid.

Sympathetic people would say that we are afraid to hurt and to feel and that we are afraid to have to open that HUGE room packed full of all of our past hurts and offenses that we have spent so much time running from.

But if I’m being honest…

I think we’re afraid to HEAL. Yeah – of course we’re afraid of facing all the hurt in our lives…that’s completely normal – no one wants to hurt. But if we know that that it what’s best for us – and taking time to allow that to happen is what is best for us and yet we STILL choose to continue to run and fill our lives with distractions…then we’re choosing NOT to heal…

We’re choosing to run further and further from being healthy and from growing.

And we think we’ve got the routine down stat. And we think we know what we are doing…

But there is a light at the end of this volatile tunnel…

And whether we like it or not at the moment, eventually – if we’re a child of God – His plan for us will grab us by the coattail, turn us around, and lead us right where He wants us – to a place of discipline. Realization. Sorrow. Mercy. Remorse. Forgiveness. Peace. Joy. Acceptance. Comfort. Healing. Growth…

And He makes us new. And clean. And we realize that He was there all along…wanting nothing more than to show us His love.

It’s funny how we still think that we’re in control some times…

And how for some CRAZY reason – we sometimes think that our plan is better than God’s.

But thankfully He loves us enough to prove us wrong and guide us to what really is best for us…

And no matter how difficult it my be at the time – I just keep reminding myself of three things:

* God is in control

* He loves me

* And He NEVER makes mistakes - He knows what He is doing