It’s interesting to look back in my itunes
library at the different playlists that I have-
Some have specific
titles…
Some have specific dates…
Some have people’s names from Cd’s I’ve
created…
Some are
dance mixes
Some are filled with “girl power” songs
Some are sad songs…
And some are just plain random…
Whatever I used for the label…you can
definitely tell what sort of mood I was in when I made them…
The ones with dates on them are pretty
interesting because I can think back to what was happening in my life at that
time and I instantly start to remember those feelings…
I believe
music really says a lot about a person.
And it seems
that mine is saying there is a battle inside of me.
I love God – that is for sure – and I cannot
deny His beauty.
But the battle inside of me is a clash of my
emotions and what I want.
I’ve said it a hundred times – I want to be
strong. But the kind of strength I sometimes refer to definitely comes from the
selfish kid in me.
On the other hand – I want to love people. I
always want to love people.
But as we all know – it is so hard to love
people who have hurt you.
A piece of my recent playlist...
I would do anything for you - Foster The People
Oh my dear - Tenth Avenue North
Tighten up - The Black Keys
Miss you - Foster The People
Playing God - Paramore
Chocolate - Snow Patrol
Beautiful - Shawn McDonald
Angel at my door - Needtobreathe
Young again - The Almost
Strip me - Natasha Beddingfield
Brick by boring brick - Paramore
No i don't - The Almost
Set fire to the rain - Adele
Heartbeat - The Fray
More like falling in love - Jason Gray
God loves to show me where and when I am
wrong – and I love this.
Because not only does He show me what I need
to change – He shows me how to change it.
Prayer.
A few years ago, I was going through kind of
a hard time. I had just been hurt pretty badly and that familiar bitterness was
surfacing in my heart.
But I didn’t want to be bitter at all – so I
started a prayer journal.
I put everything that I was praying for in
it…
My family and their specific needs…
My brother, praying he would come to Christ…
My friends and their families with things
they were going through…
My future…
My bitterness…
And I prayed for love for the people that I
was feeling bitter towards and that they would find what was best for them.
I put everything in there…
I would ask people what they needed prayer
for and each day I would re-write and meditate on the same prayers…
I wish I still kept up with that.
I have had kind of a poor attitude lately.
I wont say specifically what about – but I
will say that I have really been praying about it and praying that God will
reveal to me where I am wrong in my thoughts and actions.
Before I judge anyone else’s character – I
know it is crucial for me to meditate on my own heart.
I am definitely that “crock-pot” kind of a
thinker…it takes me time to think things over and respond. And it is definitely
good that I know this – because when I do not think things over – I just go off
of whatever emotions I am feeling and that always gets me into trouble.
But I do like to keep myself busy – very
busy. I always love to be doing things – and I hardly say “no” to fun…
But this weekend I have really been reminded
of the importance of just taking that time to relax and reflect on life.
I feel like I so many times want to just pour
myself into everyone else and anything else, that I forget that I need to take
care of myself as well – which is so dangerous because then my words to other
people become so meaningless and empty.
Hopefully you’re still following what I’m
saying…
Basically – I started getting such a poor
attitude because I wasn’t letting myself have that quiet time this past week,
to just focus on God and I wasn’t spending that time just being alone with Him and
getting to know Him.
Because in the end – I can think that I am
doing what He wants me to be doing…but if I am not coming to Him and seeking
Him – then I am completely useless to Him and I am only living for myself and
my selfish intentions.
God only wants me to seek Him.
Which is and will lead to obeying Him.
“If a burden and its resulting pressure come upon
us while we are not in an attitude of worship, it will only produce a hardness
toward God and despair in our own souls”
“Be careful that you don’t become a hypocrite
by spending all your time trying to get others right with God before you
worship Him yourself”
--Oswald Chambers
