Before going any further – you need to know I
am completely torn at the moment.
My mind is cluttered – going 100 miles a
minute (as usual) and my heart is longing for a good journal session.
But then – It has been so long since I have
blogged and I have so much to say!
These are dangerous times when I cannot
choose – because I might possibly go into “journal” mode and write something
that is meant for more personal eyes…
But meh – oh well!
So much going on lately!
So where to start….
My friends just got engaged!!!!!! I am SO
excited for them!
I wanted to do something special for them so
I decorated my back patio (where he proposed)…
I have been trying to help her with ideas for
the wedding…but I’ll just be honest and say that thinking about ideas for a
literal, going-to-happen wedding is A LOT harder than I thought!
I will admit that I am a normal girl and
think about a wedding from time to time.
BUT I have NEVER been one of those girls that
has just “waited” for that day growing up.
I never obsessed over a wedding. Of course I
have thought about “possibilities” just like any other girl – but planning my
fake wedding out on Pinterest is definitely NOT my cup of joe. (Which is super weird because I really am such a hopeless romantic...)
In fact, for the past few years (up until fairly
recently) I didn’t even want anything to do with getting married.
But I have definitely gained a new respect
for people who are getting married.
Before this, it seemed so easy to stumble
upon ideas for weddings, but now that I am actually trying to help give her
inspiration…it definitely is A LOT harder than I imagined.
Other things going on…
I’m going to Jamaica in May with some of my
friends from California!!!
I am so excited!! I have a countdown on my
phone (29 days)…
Then right after that (literally), I am going
to Disneyland again!
Then June 1st, I am moving to Mesa and living
with one of my best friends, Kristyna!!
So I have to move out and clean and re-paint
my apartment…(so much going on in May!!)
And then one of my friends, Ryan (Kristyna’s
cousin) just bought a house! So when that gets finished (they say it takes 3-4
months)…us three are going to live there!
Hmm something else….oh yes…my car…wait for
it…broke…down………….again.
Haha…ugh. What a pain. It just likes
attention.
But finally…my Dad gave me the “green light”
to get a new car! Yes – I do still go to my parents for big decisions. I spent
23 ½ years going against what they tell me…and that never got me anywhere good…so
FINALLY I have learned that yes…mommy and daddy know best…for the most part.
I guess I could have got one before, but it
is just amazing having my family’s support in big decisions like that…
So that is VERY exciting!
I have been looking around and I think I know
what I am getting…but we will just have to see!
I’m so thankful. For everyone and everything
in my life.
My life is so exciting.
It’s crazy how just a few months ago I was
posting about how I wanted to find adventure…and I’m finding more and more
every day how my life IS an
adventure!
Just so much going on…
It is kind of stressful to think about it
all, but it’s impossible for me to forget that God already has it all planned
out and He knows what is going to happen and how everything is going to get
done so I totally don’t even need to stress over it.
You know on applications and in interviews
when they ask you how you deal with stress?
Well I used to think I was a pro. Like “oh
no, I don’t even get stressed!” WRONGO.
I’m just a ball of mess when I get stressed.
And I am always at two different ends of the spectrum. First of all – I cry. A
lot. (like I did the other night to my dad when my car broke down)
Then I either get really quiet (like at work)
or I can’t stop complaining (to anyone and everyone who will listen)
Then…my hair falls out – literally – I know,
attractive right?
But that’s how it is.
My mind goes 1,000,000 miles a minute
thinking about everything that I have to do and want to do and everything that
has to get done. And I just basically sit there. I think I work a lot better
under pressure because I definitely procrastinate when I am stressed.
But since I know all of this about myself – I
know how to handle myself. I know what I need and what helps, and I know how to
calm myself down. (I just pray for the poor souls who don’t know how to handle
me and have to be around me…)
So I have found that the following process is
definitely best for me…
* Write things down – everything is always
easier for me to think about when it is visible and on paper.
* Number things in the order of their
importance and what needs to get done first. Even though I may not execute the
tasks in this order, it still helps me prepare myself for what needs to get
done and when they need to be done by.
* Take a moment to breathe. Everything will
get done on time and whatever doesn’t, will still be there for me the next day.
As long as I am doing my best, I cannot control what does and does not happen.
* Get started – things are not going to get
done unless I actually DO them. Know what needs to get done today and do it…work
hard, relax, play, have fun, and most of all…just enjoy life and be thankful
for the time you have been given and the things God has blessed you with.
So this is basically how I am living lately.
I have A TON of stuff going on in the next
6 weeks:
Work
Buy a car
Jamaica
Disneyland
Make Arizona my new state of residency
(though I’ll always be a Cali girl at heart…)
Sign up for my last two classes so I can
finally get my degree
Move to Mesa
Re-paint this apartment and have my carpets
cleaned
Manchester Orchestra concert
Two of my friend’s birthdays
And somehow remember to stay sane and have a
social life…
I did get packing boxes though! Which I
considered to be productive. But…I left them in my car…which broke down…so now
it’s at Fletchers…so…yeah…
Anywho…what else…
Find some down time to relax…basically what I
have been doing all day today…
I heard a song a few weeks ago talking about
how it is hard to praise God when times are good…and this seemed like such a
weird thing to me. I think I understand the message the artist was trying to
portray, but I don’t think he was really saying it right…and for some reason, I
have been thinking about it a lot off and on since then, and the following is
the conclusion I have just come to today:
When things are going good, I think it is
easier to praise God, but harder to find time to be with Him.
When things are going bad, I think it is
harder to praise God, but easier to find time to be with Him.
I have been wanting to blog for a few days,
but I haven’t really known specifically what about. And I think it is always
easier to blog about things that I am going through, because it helps me
relieve my stress and it is much easier for me to know what I am trying to say…
Things have been going very good lately.
So many times through out the day I just
catch myself thinking about how blessed I truly am.
I am not sure how much I can say this without
it becoming completely repetitive, but last year was probably one of the worst
years of my life…and I’m only 23 so I am sure for older people they’d tell me
to stick around a little longer and just see how hard life can really get…but
for being 23, I feel I have experienced way too much more than a 23 year old
should have to.
With that being said – I am extremely
thankful for ALL of my experiences. Even the painful ones.
I think about where I am now and what is
going on in my life and how amazing each and every one of my friends are…and I
just can’t help but feel overwhelmed.
It is amazing when you find happiness in the
unexpected times and places.
A few of my best friends I just met this time
last year, they just started off as co-workers, and then before I knew it, I
completely fell in love with them! (In a very non-romantic way of course)
Now this year, I am moving in with them…
You know when so many good things are
happening that you are just waiting for the brick to fall on your head?
Is that even how the expression goes???
You know what I mean…
I keep waiting for it…
But then the thoughts keep coming into my
head:
You had a really hard year last year, you
deserve to be happy – after having no one, you deserve these amazing friends –
after being held down, you deserve fun vacations – after 7 years of an
unreliable car, you deserve a new reliable one…
But then…if I got what I really, TRULY deserved…I would be in Hell. Literally.
Homeless, Friendless, Familyless, and most of all…Fatherless.
God does not give us what we truly deserve.
Hence – Grace…Mercy…
He gives us what He wants us to deserve – Salvation. Love. Hope. Peace. Joy. A Home.
His Son. Himself.
But then again…if we did deserve all of
that…we wouldn’t really need Christ now would we…
How difficult is it to remind myself that good
works are NOT going to get me closer to Christ?
This is such a difficult thing for me to
remind myself of.
No matter how “good” I am – that is not what
gets me to Christ.
Christ gets me to Christ – and seeking Him,
no matter what state I am in, is how I find Him. And finding Him, at my lowest
or highest, is how I am with Him.
I know in my down time I need to just take
some of that time to just be with Him. And it’s so easy for me to just praise
Him and thank Him for everything in my life. But it is hard for me to make the
time to just be with Him. Why is
that?
I don’t want it to be that way. Why are bad
habits hard to kick and good habits hard to start?
But I want it to be more than a habit. I want
seeking God to be conscious and unconscious, purposely and by chance, habitual
and spontaneous…like breathing…I know it can be hard at times for a reason…I am
just thankful that no matter what – God always wants me to seek Him.
A little inspiration...
“…Because of
Calvary, I’m free to choose. And so I choose.
I choose love . . .
No occasion
justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. Today I will
love God and what God loves.
I choose joy . . .
I will invite
my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be
cynical . . . the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as
anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any
problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.
I choose peace . . .
I will live
forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.
I choose patience . . .
I will
overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes
my place, I’ll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too
long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at
new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.
I choose kindness . . .
I will be kind
to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And
kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.
I choose goodness . . .
I will go
without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I
will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.
I choose faithfulness . . .
Today I will
keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will
not question my word. My wife will not question my love. And my children will
never fear that their father will not come home.
I choose gentleness . . .
Nothing is won
by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise.
If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be
only of myself.
I choose self-control . . .
I am a
spiritual being. After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let
what will rot, rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be drunk only by
joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God.
I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self-control.
Love, joy,
peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and
self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I
fail, I will seek his grace. And then, when this day is done, I will place my
head on my pillow and rest.”
-Max Lucado
When God Whispers Your Name
