May I be broken bread, may I be poured out wine
May I incarnate, Your kindness Lord
Spend my life Jesus, anyway You please
Whether on great things, or what seems small
Your will done your way
I will not fight You
Take me past the line that my heart draws
I will not fight You
Take me beyond the laziness of my thoughts
I will not fight
Lead me further than I've gone before
I will not fight You
I'm abandoned to Your call
Do not let there be, any part of me
That’s untouchable, unreachable
Let my delight be, living out Your dreams
Washing dirty feet, and kissing Yours
God let Your dreams come true, dream through us
God let Your dreams come true through us
"A person’s obedience is to what he sees to be a need— our Lord’s obedience was to the will of His Father...We must first make sure that God’s 'needs' and His will in us personally are being met. Jesus said, '...tarry…until you are endued with power from on high' (Luke 24:49). The purpose of our Christian training is to get us into the right relationship to the 'needs' of God and His will. Once God’s 'needs' in us have been met, He will open the way for us to accomplish His will, meeting His 'needs' elsewhere." - Oswald Chambers
I have this fire inside of me that I refuse to let burn out. But in all this dreaming and planning - I want to...I NEED to remember to put Christ first.
My selfishness comes oh too easily to me sometimes. And I don't want this to be just another thing in my life where I am putting myself above everything and everyone else. Sometimes I get my mind set on something that I want and I won't allow anyone to tell me I can't have it. And in all honesty - I love that drive in me. I had lost it for awhile there somewhere...but now it's like it's back with a vengeance. But I have to make sure that drive is being navigated by the right person.
"Spend my life Jesus, anyway You please. Whether on great things, or what seems small."
That "nudge" I was referring to a few posts ago - that's driving me right now.
And I'm really excited about it...
My problem here isn't that I'm not listening to it - it's that I am walking a fine line of not keeping God and His will first in it all.
It's easy to have hopes and dreams and get carried away with them all...it's easy for me to put my blinders on and fall down that little rabbit hole...
While I pray about it all the thought comes into my head: what if what I thought God was calling me to, wasn't what He actually had for me at all. What if, at this moment - what He has for me, is what I already have? What if His greatest desire for me at this time is to just be and stay right where I am? Would I be disappointed? Would I be upset? Would I start to doubt His greatness and faithfulness? Or what if His plans were to lead me somewhere just to allow situations in my life that would break me completely...
I realize in these moments that more than anything - more than making a huge life change and being uncertain of its outcome - more than laying it all out there and possibly failing - more than being brought to the most uncomfortable position - more than surrendering every desire of mine - more than anything in the world - I'm most afraid of not putting God first, no matter what. I'm most afraid of not believing that whether He gives me my most precious and dearest dreams or He gives me nothing at all - I'm most afraid of losing my faith in Him. I'm most afraid of the thought of me choosing to believe that He is not good and that His grace is not the same whether I fly or fail. I'm most afraid of my pride.
Don't get me wrong - I know I can't lose my Christianity. And I can't make God love me any less - but I'm only human. I doubt and waiver all the time. I get angry and selfish and prideful. My heart hardens and my mind hates. I've learned that it's easy for me to turn off my heart if and when I want to. But I don't want that. I want to feel it all. No matter what. I want to feel it and trust that even if the next heartbreak ahead is brutally more painful than the last, it will all be for something. It will all be for Gods purpose of growing me and giving me strength and courage to be the daughter of the King that God wants me to be.
I want to feel everything that comes my way. I want to feel every bump and bruise. I want to feel every heartbreak and failure. And I want to keep going. I want to keep pushing forward.
"Spend my life Jesus, anyway You please. Whether on great things, or what seems small."
I sing the words...But do I mean them?
None of it means anything without Him and His will.
I could have all of the riches in this world - but if I don't have God...what good is any of it?
So, as much as it scares me - I want that to be my prayer: "God - whatever YOU have for me. Whatever YOUR will is. Whether it's what I want or what I dread, help me to believe that Your grace is still the same - and no matter what, You're growing me and You'll be there with me every step of the way. No. Matter. What."
"All that I am is dry bones without you Lord."
